Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with hopes. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - Corinthians 13:4
My son is six and a half years old, and he's my whole world. I'll be the first to admit that motherhood isn't easy, and I'm far from a perfect mom. Some days my temper is short, some days I'm more irritable than others, some days all I can manage to do is yell, and sometimes I'm unfair to him. I haven't always been able to give him everything he's wanted, but I've worked hard to give him everything I can. My son has his days when he's not the perfect child, but does anyone?? Overall, I think it's safe to say that I ended up with an amazing, smart, well mannered, absolutely lovable son.
Sometimes I feel like I need to step back and think about things before I react. Subconsciously, I know that what I do is wrong. Sometimes when my son is throwing a fit, or hitting and yelling at me...I don't see a six year old....I see his father. I know that it's horrible, and I know that it's not fair, but something in my brain snaps, and i just see his dad. Maybe I'm messed up, maybe I'm the only mother that this happens to...but its not something I can help, and it's something I'm working on, now, before I get mad and overreact, I stop for a minute and think, this is a six year old child, he didn't choose who his father was, he didn't ask to be brought into an angry, resentful environment, he doesn't understand why either of us feels the way that we do...he's just a kid, innocent and virgin to the knowledge of betrayal, heartache and disloyalty.
My son is not his father, he is my whole world, someone who depends on, and loves me, no matter what. He loves me for my flaws, my quirks, my bad days, my good days, my sick days, and my funny days. To him, I will always be "Mom." I will always make a boo boo better, I will always be the one to get up and get him a drink when he's perfectly capable of doing it himself, I will always pick out his clothes, and help him tie his shoes, no matter how many times he says he hates me, or how much he yells and screams when he's mad at me. If there's anything that u learned from being a parent, it's that you have to learn from your past, forget or accept it, and move on. You can't hold things that happened to you, against your children, they don't make your decisions...you do.
My son deserves the best of everything, and sometimes I feel like he got pot luck...I feel like he deserves a better mother, that won't yell, that can give him everything, that has more patience than me. He's an amazing child, and he deserves that. But then I stop and think...I'm human. Other mothers go through the same things, it's part of life, it's part of changing from an everyday person, into "mom." It is the most difficult, exhausting, rewarding, emotional transition you will ever make...but every single second...is worth all of it. <3
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