So after months and months of trying, and being disappointed, and trying some more, and writing about it, and crying about it, and so on and so forth....I am happy to let everyone know, that we, are going to be welcoming an amazing new baby boy into the world at the end of November of this year!! Time has flown by, and I feel sometimes like this is all so surreal, and that maybe I'm in this dream world and when i wake up all of this will be gone....but i'm pretty sure I'm wrong in that thought process, for the simple fact that: pregnancy has made me an emotional basket case and, at times, a raging lunatic. I cry at the drop of a pin, I'm angry at the littlest things, I'm needy and over-bearing, and, I'm sure, at times, I'm just straight-up unbearable. My first son is going to be seven in September, so being pregnant was something I had either, A. Forgotten, or B. Had such a shitty one the first time that i purposely forgot how much it sucks!
I had finally gotten back to my pre-baby weight...yes...it took me the better part of six years. I was finally getting comfortable in my own skin again, and i was enjoying jeans in the low single digits, that actually fit me comfortably! Now?? Well, NOW, the thought of jeans makes me want to cry, I can get them up my legs, which isn't so depressing...but once i reach my ever expanding butt, I realize that when i purchased a new wardrobe, I should have invested in the material that looks like jeans but has some super stretch strength to them (even though i thought they were the most God awful things when they came out). My feet are not yet swollen..but after a night at work running around and making food, when i get a chance to sit, I feel as though I would be happier just slicing them off with a hack saw. My boobs?? Well, I'd probably enjoy them more if I didn't feel like my chest was caving in from excess weight when I lie on my back...plus the fact that I know what they are going to look like about six months, to a year, after giving birth doesn't appeal to me. And my stomach?! Oh God MY STOMACH!! What IS this dark line running down my middle, like I went to see some crooked surgeon in Brazil?? And my bellybutton, ohhhh dear! My once cute, tiny, nicely pierced inny bellybutton, now has its own zip code, and looks as though if you press it just right, the baby will pop out with a welcome sign. My fingers, hmmm, my once skinny, nicely bling-ed up fingers, now hold my rings hostage, and won't even surrender them to a nice lather in butter! I get my nails done bi-weekly in hopes of making my new hand sausages look a little less unruly. I get dizzy putting my socks and shoes on because my new addition in the front compresses my air intake and makes me see stars if i bend over for to long. But hey, it's all worth it right?? I get an amazing new package that me and someone else made in a couple of months.
Sleep? What's that?? I don't think I've had a full nights sleep in the last four months! My poor fiance, every time he falls asleep, I'm waking him up when i get out of bed to use the bathroom, or complaining that some extremity attached to me, fell asleep and I'm going to die if he doesn't fix it, or that i have a pain, or an itch, or a worry....poor guy. I give him all of the credit in the world though...he has been by my side through all of it. He has been to every single doctors appointment, every health visit that I've had to go to, every complaint, every bad day, good day, crazy day. I fully admit that at times i'm way more than unbearable, and to say the least, I'm down-right intolerable, but I love my family with everything I have and being moody and agitated and upset is something that i try to control, but some days, i just can't help. I'm insecure, imaginative, and all these other things now that my whole life is about to change again...this is something i knew i was getting into when we decided to have another baby, but i forget just how uncontrollable these feelings and emotions are sometimes and they get the better of me. Still, he is supportive in every way, and is so excited to have a new baby to be ours. <3 My son is excited too, he asks me everyday how Collin (the name for our new little man) is. He asks me all the time when he will be here, and he tells every single person that we see that he's going to be a big brother. He kisses my belly and hugs me all the time. He is the most amazing little boy ever, and I would never pick any other child to call mine. I am going to have the two best little boys in the world <3
I had finally gotten back to my pre-baby weight...yes...it took me the better part of six years. I was finally getting comfortable in my own skin again, and i was enjoying jeans in the low single digits, that actually fit me comfortably! Now?? Well, NOW, the thought of jeans makes me want to cry, I can get them up my legs, which isn't so depressing...but once i reach my ever expanding butt, I realize that when i purchased a new wardrobe, I should have invested in the material that looks like jeans but has some super stretch strength to them (even though i thought they were the most God awful things when they came out). My feet are not yet swollen..but after a night at work running around and making food, when i get a chance to sit, I feel as though I would be happier just slicing them off with a hack saw. My boobs?? Well, I'd probably enjoy them more if I didn't feel like my chest was caving in from excess weight when I lie on my back...plus the fact that I know what they are going to look like about six months, to a year, after giving birth doesn't appeal to me. And my stomach?! Oh God MY STOMACH!! What IS this dark line running down my middle, like I went to see some crooked surgeon in Brazil?? And my bellybutton, ohhhh dear! My once cute, tiny, nicely pierced inny bellybutton, now has its own zip code, and looks as though if you press it just right, the baby will pop out with a welcome sign. My fingers, hmmm, my once skinny, nicely bling-ed up fingers, now hold my rings hostage, and won't even surrender them to a nice lather in butter! I get my nails done bi-weekly in hopes of making my new hand sausages look a little less unruly. I get dizzy putting my socks and shoes on because my new addition in the front compresses my air intake and makes me see stars if i bend over for to long. But hey, it's all worth it right?? I get an amazing new package that me and someone else made in a couple of months.
Sleep? What's that?? I don't think I've had a full nights sleep in the last four months! My poor fiance, every time he falls asleep, I'm waking him up when i get out of bed to use the bathroom, or complaining that some extremity attached to me, fell asleep and I'm going to die if he doesn't fix it, or that i have a pain, or an itch, or a worry....poor guy. I give him all of the credit in the world though...he has been by my side through all of it. He has been to every single doctors appointment, every health visit that I've had to go to, every complaint, every bad day, good day, crazy day. I fully admit that at times i'm way more than unbearable, and to say the least, I'm down-right intolerable, but I love my family with everything I have and being moody and agitated and upset is something that i try to control, but some days, i just can't help. I'm insecure, imaginative, and all these other things now that my whole life is about to change again...this is something i knew i was getting into when we decided to have another baby, but i forget just how uncontrollable these feelings and emotions are sometimes and they get the better of me. Still, he is supportive in every way, and is so excited to have a new baby to be ours. <3 My son is excited too, he asks me everyday how Collin (the name for our new little man) is. He asks me all the time when he will be here, and he tells every single person that we see that he's going to be a big brother. He kisses my belly and hugs me all the time. He is the most amazing little boy ever, and I would never pick any other child to call mine. I am going to have the two best little boys in the world <3
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