Now that the bells and whistles and all of the hype and excitement of being pregnant has settled in, reality has taken over and put me into a heightened state of "Oh My God what the hell am i gonna do?!" With my first son nothing was scheduled, nothing expected, and nothing was nerve racking because all I knew was that I was due to have a baby in October, and that was it. Well, when i went in for my weekly check-up in September, my blood pressure came up high, way high compared to normal, so, my doctor suggested that I spend a night in the hospital just so that they could monitor me. As much as I didn't want to, I was kind of left with no choice, and after much argument and debate, I headed to the hospital with my pajamas and the thought that I would be fine and going home to next day. Well, since sh*t happens, and nothing ever turns out as planned, I woke up at 3 a.m. to go to the bathroom, as I'm sitting there, I feel this huge gush...wait...I didn't know I had to pee that bad! Hmmm...maybe I'm just tired and it's all the stuff I drank for dinner....so, on my walk back to bed, i still have this..stuff...dripping out of somewhere that it shouldn't be coming from...then...the contractions start.
I lay down in bed and call the nurses' station on the hospital room phone, "Ummm hi, I think my water just broke.." "Okay, we'll send someone down." After waiting for a half an hour, and two more phone calls to the front desk, a small welcoming committee comes into my room, asks me to drop trow and invades my "personal space" in front of about 6 other people. My answer, "Oh, his feet are coming out, get her to the OR now..." Okayyyyy....so here I am calling my entire family on some cordless hospital phone while they wheel me down the hall. I get into this sterile room where I get rolled over and held in one spot, I feel a little pinch in my back, and then I feel...nothing. A big blue sheet is put up in front of my face, oxygen is put in my nose, I feel a lot of pushing and tugging, but no pain...and then...I hear my son cry. What the hell just happened?!?!
Needless to say, because none of this was anticipated, I had no idea what to expect so I had no time to be scared, no time to worry, and no time to think about what they were actually going to do. This time, with the newest baby, I wasn't quite sure what to expect either...but after many talks with my doctor, and after careful consideration, we came to the decision that a scheduled c-section would be best for this baby to ensure that he would come out safe, happy and healthy. The doctor has already said that he is breech, just like my last son was, and that he is small....to try to push him out and risk hurting him, is not worth it to me, so, I opted to undergo the knife instead. Regardless of this choice, i don't think that it is something that I can fully mentally prepare myself for. I can't get it in my head to be ready to walk into the hospital with my bags packed, get comfy in my room, shake hands with the doctor and then..."Okay sir, make my whole body numb and then cut me on open!!" No way! I'm terrified!!
Number one, I DO NOT want a spinal, they do not sound pleasant nor do I like not feeling my whole body. Number two, I do not want oxygen strapped to my face, it makes me anxious. Number three, I absolutely do not want a catheter stuck into my private areas..I've never had one before, and I'd rather suffer with feeling like crap and getting up to walk to the bathroom by my damn self, plus i didn't have one when i had my first son, so why do i need one this time?? Number four, I hate all surgeries, i do not like the idea of having someone cut me open, stitch me on the inside and then hold me shut with some staples...needless to say, when I am released from the hospital, they use this funky staple remover, take all of my staples out, and then butterfly stitch me shut. Okay, butterfly stitches are just some super sticky ass band-aids that fall off on their own...ummmmm, I'd prefer to not rely on some extra-strength stick to keep my guts inside of my abdomen thank you very much. And finally, number five, they keep you so doped up on pain meds, that the whole week you are there is a blur...I can't even tell you who the hell came to visit me in the hospital when my son was born...this is a girl who doesn't even take advil for headaches...and they had me on a morphine drip, plus a couple shots of God knows what, that they came in and stuck into my iv drip....all i know is that i sure didn't feel one single ounce of pain..but I probably couldn't have even told you my full name or where I was born either.
So like i said, I am all for making sure that my son comes out happy and healthy, and my c-section is one month away from being scheduled, and I will not back out..it's what i have to do, but I don't think, from now, nor till the day of my surgery, will I ever be ready to willingly go into surgery. Mental Preparation Phase 1 is a work in progress..but since I'm a natural worrier...my guess is that it will be a huge FAIL, and I'll be a mess when I walk through the doors anyways. Ahhhh Motherhood :)
I lay down in bed and call the nurses' station on the hospital room phone, "Ummm hi, I think my water just broke.." "Okay, we'll send someone down." After waiting for a half an hour, and two more phone calls to the front desk, a small welcoming committee comes into my room, asks me to drop trow and invades my "personal space" in front of about 6 other people. My answer, "Oh, his feet are coming out, get her to the OR now..." Okayyyyy....so here I am calling my entire family on some cordless hospital phone while they wheel me down the hall. I get into this sterile room where I get rolled over and held in one spot, I feel a little pinch in my back, and then I feel...nothing. A big blue sheet is put up in front of my face, oxygen is put in my nose, I feel a lot of pushing and tugging, but no pain...and then...I hear my son cry. What the hell just happened?!?!
Needless to say, because none of this was anticipated, I had no idea what to expect so I had no time to be scared, no time to worry, and no time to think about what they were actually going to do. This time, with the newest baby, I wasn't quite sure what to expect either...but after many talks with my doctor, and after careful consideration, we came to the decision that a scheduled c-section would be best for this baby to ensure that he would come out safe, happy and healthy. The doctor has already said that he is breech, just like my last son was, and that he is small....to try to push him out and risk hurting him, is not worth it to me, so, I opted to undergo the knife instead. Regardless of this choice, i don't think that it is something that I can fully mentally prepare myself for. I can't get it in my head to be ready to walk into the hospital with my bags packed, get comfy in my room, shake hands with the doctor and then..."Okay sir, make my whole body numb and then cut me on open!!" No way! I'm terrified!!
Number one, I DO NOT want a spinal, they do not sound pleasant nor do I like not feeling my whole body. Number two, I do not want oxygen strapped to my face, it makes me anxious. Number three, I absolutely do not want a catheter stuck into my private areas..I've never had one before, and I'd rather suffer with feeling like crap and getting up to walk to the bathroom by my damn self, plus i didn't have one when i had my first son, so why do i need one this time?? Number four, I hate all surgeries, i do not like the idea of having someone cut me open, stitch me on the inside and then hold me shut with some staples...needless to say, when I am released from the hospital, they use this funky staple remover, take all of my staples out, and then butterfly stitch me shut. Okay, butterfly stitches are just some super sticky ass band-aids that fall off on their own...ummmmm, I'd prefer to not rely on some extra-strength stick to keep my guts inside of my abdomen thank you very much. And finally, number five, they keep you so doped up on pain meds, that the whole week you are there is a blur...I can't even tell you who the hell came to visit me in the hospital when my son was born...this is a girl who doesn't even take advil for headaches...and they had me on a morphine drip, plus a couple shots of God knows what, that they came in and stuck into my iv drip....all i know is that i sure didn't feel one single ounce of pain..but I probably couldn't have even told you my full name or where I was born either.
So like i said, I am all for making sure that my son comes out happy and healthy, and my c-section is one month away from being scheduled, and I will not back out..it's what i have to do, but I don't think, from now, nor till the day of my surgery, will I ever be ready to willingly go into surgery. Mental Preparation Phase 1 is a work in progress..but since I'm a natural worrier...my guess is that it will be a huge FAIL, and I'll be a mess when I walk through the doors anyways. Ahhhh Motherhood :)
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