The other day i wrote a blog in note form to my son for his birthday...well, I feel that this is an easier way to express my emotions lately since nothing that i try to say seems to come out right. It has been a very rough last couple of months at home, with all of the chaos of whats coming finally settling in, everyone is stressed to the hilt and nerves and patience are lacking. So, I am going to write a letter to my husband on here, to let out how i feel, because I just don't say it enough lately. Here goes:
Hi Babe,
Right now you're at work, doing what you do best...being successful, and I'm at home missing you. I'm sorry that I'm not the same person lately that I was a couple of months ago. I'm sorry that we argue and I'm sorry that sometimes you don't feel very much like I love you....but i do. I love you and Diego and Collin more than anything in this world and I don't know what I would do without any of you. I don't mean to be moody, and stand-offish, and temperamental, and I don't mean to question you and have all of these insecurities....I'm hoping that it all goes away after the baby comes, and i'll feel like my old self again. I feel so gross lately. I feel fat, and ugly, and completely unattractive. I worry that I won't look like I did before Collin, and you'll never find me attractive again. I worry that i need you to reassure me to much lately and that you're getting so sick of it.
I feel like sometimes you wonder why you deal with all of the b.s. of taking care of me and Diego, when you could live the happy single life and not worry about any of this. I wonder sometimes why you put up with me, when i can't even bear to be anywhere near myself. I know you tell me everyday that it's because you love me, but i just can't fathom in my head, what's so special about me, that you could love me that unconditionally and deal with all of my flaws day to day. There is nothing that i want more, than you to be happy. I can't guarantee that I can do this, but i promise to always try every day of my life.
I promise to always show you how much I love you, whether it's cooking a nice family dinner, or running out to your truck to hug you when you get home from work. I promise to try to always keep you interested in me, and i promise to always be interested in you everyday, and to try to keep learning more and more about you. I promise to try to let little, unimportant things go and to not nag you about them. I promise to try to tell you how i feel and explain it, rather than to accuse you for being the reason as to why i feel the way that i do. I promise to always be faithful and honest with you. I promise to support every ambition that you have, even if it's not my favorite thing or first choice for us. I promise to understand that you don't do the things you do because you don't want to be home, you do them because you love this family and you want the best things for us. I promise to try to understand that you and I are different than you and whoever else you've dated, and that the past is the past and we can't let who we were have an effect on who we are now.
But most of all, I promise to spend the rest of my life with you, as long as you want me. So, thank you for everything that you do. Thank you for making sacrifices and for trying everyday to show me how much you care. Thank you for doing what most men don't. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always working things out with me, even when i'm your least favorite person. Thank you for being you. I love you.
Hi Babe,
Right now you're at work, doing what you do best...being successful, and I'm at home missing you. I'm sorry that I'm not the same person lately that I was a couple of months ago. I'm sorry that we argue and I'm sorry that sometimes you don't feel very much like I love you....but i do. I love you and Diego and Collin more than anything in this world and I don't know what I would do without any of you. I don't mean to be moody, and stand-offish, and temperamental, and I don't mean to question you and have all of these insecurities....I'm hoping that it all goes away after the baby comes, and i'll feel like my old self again. I feel so gross lately. I feel fat, and ugly, and completely unattractive. I worry that I won't look like I did before Collin, and you'll never find me attractive again. I worry that i need you to reassure me to much lately and that you're getting so sick of it.
I feel like sometimes you wonder why you deal with all of the b.s. of taking care of me and Diego, when you could live the happy single life and not worry about any of this. I wonder sometimes why you put up with me, when i can't even bear to be anywhere near myself. I know you tell me everyday that it's because you love me, but i just can't fathom in my head, what's so special about me, that you could love me that unconditionally and deal with all of my flaws day to day. There is nothing that i want more, than you to be happy. I can't guarantee that I can do this, but i promise to always try every day of my life.
I promise to always show you how much I love you, whether it's cooking a nice family dinner, or running out to your truck to hug you when you get home from work. I promise to try to always keep you interested in me, and i promise to always be interested in you everyday, and to try to keep learning more and more about you. I promise to try to let little, unimportant things go and to not nag you about them. I promise to try to tell you how i feel and explain it, rather than to accuse you for being the reason as to why i feel the way that i do. I promise to always be faithful and honest with you. I promise to support every ambition that you have, even if it's not my favorite thing or first choice for us. I promise to understand that you don't do the things you do because you don't want to be home, you do them because you love this family and you want the best things for us. I promise to try to understand that you and I are different than you and whoever else you've dated, and that the past is the past and we can't let who we were have an effect on who we are now.
But most of all, I promise to spend the rest of my life with you, as long as you want me. So, thank you for everything that you do. Thank you for making sacrifices and for trying everyday to show me how much you care. Thank you for doing what most men don't. Thank you for loving me no matter what. Thank you for always working things out with me, even when i'm your least favorite person. Thank you for being you. I love you.
No comments:
Post a Comment