I have decided that, in my next two months of being home until Collin comes, I will no longer be watching the TLC channel on tv. Sitting home this lunch time, I thought that it would be a good idea to watch TLC's A Baby Story...maybe see if other expectant moms feel the same way as i do...well, this is something I am not going to watch again until AFTER my son is born! Oh good Lord, I cried, I laughed, I held my breath and I'm pretty sure I had a small bout with an anxiety attack! The one story that I watched was the same as mine, the woman had already had one child, and he was an emergency c-section, so after much research and conversing with her Doctor, the woman decided that another c-section would be the best and most safe way for her to have her new baby. I was immediately captivated...I had to watch more! This lady felt the same way i do, she was tired and sick of not being able to breathe and she just wanted her new baby to be here already...ok, i concur!
Well, the day came for her to go into her surgery, and everything set in. She decided that maybe being pregnant wasn't that bad, and she could have waited even longer if that had been an option. Nerves were at a high altitude, anxiety was first in line, then worry, and excitement, and anticipation. Her and her husbands whole family was outside waiting for the new addition to the family. Then, before you know it, you hear a new baby cry and teas start running. Don't get me wrong, A Baby Story is an awesome tv show, but for myself, being less than two months away from having Collin, it's something that i shouldn't watch, especially since I over-stress about it all already. It's a horribly addicting show though, and I find myself wanting to cover my eyes, but watch every second, and sit on this couch and not get up for the entire Baby Story marathon that has been on since 9 this morning and will continue until about 10 tonight. I feel as though it would be better for my sanity and for my well-being, if my husband came home and put a parental block on this channel with a code that I could never guess until after I give birth!
I want so badly for Collin to be here, and to not have to worry, and be pregnant anymore, and to know what he looks like and to hear him cry for the first time. But on the flip side, I am not ready one little bit for my surgery, and I don't know how I am going to balance the house, and a new baby and a seven year old. I stress about making sure that Diego doesn't feel left out, but still giving Collin everything he needs. I worry about being up with Collin all night and then having to wake up with Diego for school, and trying to have a nice dinner ready for my husband when he gets home from a long day at work, and being able to get just enough sleep, all while maintaining my sanity. I know that this is normal, and that it's something that no one really has an answer to...just that, I'll figure it out.
Motherhood is something that is naturally instilled in us from the time of birth, and if it's not, then maybe you just aren't meant to have babies. Common sense says, when your baby cries, he's probably hungry, needs a diaper change, or needs attention...it's about as simple as that..but for some people, it's not. I'm no where close to the worlds best mom, I have my faults and my imperfections, but I make sure that my son is well taken care of and loved. I guess the bottom line is, that i need to sit, relax, and realize that this is life, this is the life that i choose to have, and nothing is ever going to be perfect. I have an amazing son now, and I am going to have another amazing son in November, and I am going to have an amazing man to be by my side through it all. Nothing is going to wait, nothing is going to be put on hold, and nothing is going to conform to make life easy for me. I am a Mom..so it goes hand in hand, that i should expect every day of my life to be..divine chaos. <3
Well, the day came for her to go into her surgery, and everything set in. She decided that maybe being pregnant wasn't that bad, and she could have waited even longer if that had been an option. Nerves were at a high altitude, anxiety was first in line, then worry, and excitement, and anticipation. Her and her husbands whole family was outside waiting for the new addition to the family. Then, before you know it, you hear a new baby cry and teas start running. Don't get me wrong, A Baby Story is an awesome tv show, but for myself, being less than two months away from having Collin, it's something that i shouldn't watch, especially since I over-stress about it all already. It's a horribly addicting show though, and I find myself wanting to cover my eyes, but watch every second, and sit on this couch and not get up for the entire Baby Story marathon that has been on since 9 this morning and will continue until about 10 tonight. I feel as though it would be better for my sanity and for my well-being, if my husband came home and put a parental block on this channel with a code that I could never guess until after I give birth!
I want so badly for Collin to be here, and to not have to worry, and be pregnant anymore, and to know what he looks like and to hear him cry for the first time. But on the flip side, I am not ready one little bit for my surgery, and I don't know how I am going to balance the house, and a new baby and a seven year old. I stress about making sure that Diego doesn't feel left out, but still giving Collin everything he needs. I worry about being up with Collin all night and then having to wake up with Diego for school, and trying to have a nice dinner ready for my husband when he gets home from a long day at work, and being able to get just enough sleep, all while maintaining my sanity. I know that this is normal, and that it's something that no one really has an answer to...just that, I'll figure it out.
Motherhood is something that is naturally instilled in us from the time of birth, and if it's not, then maybe you just aren't meant to have babies. Common sense says, when your baby cries, he's probably hungry, needs a diaper change, or needs attention...it's about as simple as that..but for some people, it's not. I'm no where close to the worlds best mom, I have my faults and my imperfections, but I make sure that my son is well taken care of and loved. I guess the bottom line is, that i need to sit, relax, and realize that this is life, this is the life that i choose to have, and nothing is ever going to be perfect. I have an amazing son now, and I am going to have another amazing son in November, and I am going to have an amazing man to be by my side through it all. Nothing is going to wait, nothing is going to be put on hold, and nothing is going to conform to make life easy for me. I am a Mom..so it goes hand in hand, that i should expect every day of my life to be..divine chaos. <3
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