Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud, it is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no records of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with hopes. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. - Corinthians 13:4
My son is six and a half years old, and he's my whole world. I'll be the first to admit that motherhood isn't easy, and I'm far from a perfect mom. Some days my temper is short, some days I'm more irritable than others, some days all I can manage to do is yell, and sometimes I'm unfair to him. I haven't always been able to give him everything he's wanted, but I've worked hard to give him everything I can. My son has his days when he's not the perfect child, but does anyone?? Overall, I think it's safe to say that I ended up with an amazing, smart, well mannered, absolutely lovable son.
Sometimes I feel like I need to step back and think about things before I react. Subconsciously, I know that what I do is wrong. Sometimes when my son is throwing a fit, or hitting and yelling at me...I don't see a six year old....I see his father. I know that it's horrible, and I know that it's not fair, but something in my brain snaps, and i just see his dad. Maybe I'm messed up, maybe I'm the only mother that this happens to...but its not something I can help, and it's something I'm working on, now, before I get mad and overreact, I stop for a minute and think, this is a six year old child, he didn't choose who his father was, he didn't ask to be brought into an angry, resentful environment, he doesn't understand why either of us feels the way that we do...he's just a kid, innocent and virgin to the knowledge of betrayal, heartache and disloyalty.
My son is not his father, he is my whole world, someone who depends on, and loves me, no matter what. He loves me for my flaws, my quirks, my bad days, my good days, my sick days, and my funny days. To him, I will always be "Mom." I will always make a boo boo better, I will always be the one to get up and get him a drink when he's perfectly capable of doing it himself, I will always pick out his clothes, and help him tie his shoes, no matter how many times he says he hates me, or how much he yells and screams when he's mad at me. If there's anything that u learned from being a parent, it's that you have to learn from your past, forget or accept it, and move on. You can't hold things that happened to you, against your children, they don't make your decisions...you do.
My son deserves the best of everything, and sometimes I feel like he got pot luck...I feel like he deserves a better mother, that won't yell, that can give him everything, that has more patience than me. He's an amazing child, and he deserves that. But then I stop and think...I'm human. Other mothers go through the same things, it's part of life, it's part of changing from an everyday person, into "mom." It is the most difficult, exhausting, rewarding, emotional transition you will ever make...but every single second...is worth all of it. <3
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Friday, January 20, 2012
Ahhh way back when....
So when I finally came to terms with the fact that I was pregnant, I also came to the realization that I was going to gain weight...it was inevitable. But, as my ignorant young mind perceived it...I would pop out my baby and be back to my skinny, tiny little self in no time....ohhhh to be young and naive! All throughout my pregnancy, I ate what I wanted, laid in bed like a beached whale, and got nice and plump. I didn't have a single stretch mark, just a rather large, watermelon shaped bump growing out of my front. I watched TV show after TV show while laying there all throughout summer wallowing in self pity (my son was born in September, so I was nice and big and fat throughout the hot season). On TV, all these models and actresses would have children, and go back to their skinny selves right after having a baby, I figured, hey, if they can do it, it must be easy!
Well, let me just say...boyyyyy was I wrong! I gained 82 pounds throughout pregnancy. I weighed 105 when I got pregnant, and I was a lovely 187 when my son came into this world. I did all the superstitious precautions that women do when they're pregnant, like rub coca butter on my belly every morning noon and night so I didn't get stretch marks, keep my feet elevated so they don't swell, practice breathing so that birthing would be easier...all that good stuff.
Let me just say, all of that stuff...IS CRAP! As soon as my son came out, all these stretch marks that weren't there before, appeared! Maybe I altered my mind during pregnancy so I thought they weren't there, maybe I was to fat to see over my huge lump, maybe god decided to just surprise me after 9 long months of pregnancy with a, "Hey! Don't forget that you gained 82 pounds while pregnant! Maybe next time you'll exercise and watch what you eat fatty!" either way, I was devastated, how was I ever going to wear shorts? Or a bathing suit? Or a cute little dress?! I was only 18!! I HAD to be able to dress cute again someday...I mean, yeah, I'm a mom...but I'm not dead!!!
After I got over the stretch marks and accepted the fact that they weren't going away, I started to obsess over my jiggly belly and my water-balloon looking boobs....where the heck did my six pack go? And why does it look like someone filled a balloon halfway with water and stapled it to my chest?!? Where is the voluptuous bosom I gained while being pregnant??? What's happening to me?! I obsessed for years and years about all of this...and I've come to one conclusion....it is what it is. I don't make a million dollars for surgery, I don't have an editor to take my picture and airbrush my photo, and I'm not spoiled enough to have a personal trainer....I am human. It happens to everyone.
Our bodies go through amazing changes and to put it bluntly....shit happens. After all the cramping, and stretching, and bloating, and swelling, and aching, and weight and all that good stuff....the end result is an amazing, beautiful, lovable life, that you grew inside of you. You are the reason that this little person, who is going to grow up and be someone someday, and who is going to love you forever....is here. In the end, it's all worth it. We will never be the same as we were before having kids...it's a fact of life. We are our own toughest critics, what we think is gross, the man who loves us thinks is sexy. What we find aggravating, he finds adorable. What we find depressing, he loves about you....we might not realize it...but all of us moms, are perfect, even if it's just for one reason...and that reason is...simply that, we are moms. :)
Well, let me just say...boyyyyy was I wrong! I gained 82 pounds throughout pregnancy. I weighed 105 when I got pregnant, and I was a lovely 187 when my son came into this world. I did all the superstitious precautions that women do when they're pregnant, like rub coca butter on my belly every morning noon and night so I didn't get stretch marks, keep my feet elevated so they don't swell, practice breathing so that birthing would be easier...all that good stuff.
Let me just say, all of that stuff...IS CRAP! As soon as my son came out, all these stretch marks that weren't there before, appeared! Maybe I altered my mind during pregnancy so I thought they weren't there, maybe I was to fat to see over my huge lump, maybe god decided to just surprise me after 9 long months of pregnancy with a, "Hey! Don't forget that you gained 82 pounds while pregnant! Maybe next time you'll exercise and watch what you eat fatty!" either way, I was devastated, how was I ever going to wear shorts? Or a bathing suit? Or a cute little dress?! I was only 18!! I HAD to be able to dress cute again someday...I mean, yeah, I'm a mom...but I'm not dead!!!
After I got over the stretch marks and accepted the fact that they weren't going away, I started to obsess over my jiggly belly and my water-balloon looking boobs....where the heck did my six pack go? And why does it look like someone filled a balloon halfway with water and stapled it to my chest?!? Where is the voluptuous bosom I gained while being pregnant??? What's happening to me?! I obsessed for years and years about all of this...and I've come to one conclusion....it is what it is. I don't make a million dollars for surgery, I don't have an editor to take my picture and airbrush my photo, and I'm not spoiled enough to have a personal trainer....I am human. It happens to everyone.
Our bodies go through amazing changes and to put it bluntly....shit happens. After all the cramping, and stretching, and bloating, and swelling, and aching, and weight and all that good stuff....the end result is an amazing, beautiful, lovable life, that you grew inside of you. You are the reason that this little person, who is going to grow up and be someone someday, and who is going to love you forever....is here. In the end, it's all worth it. We will never be the same as we were before having kids...it's a fact of life. We are our own toughest critics, what we think is gross, the man who loves us thinks is sexy. What we find aggravating, he finds adorable. What we find depressing, he loves about you....we might not realize it...but all of us moms, are perfect, even if it's just for one reason...and that reason is...simply that, we are moms. :)
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Instruction Manual...What's that?!
When we decide to have babies, we have this perfect picture in our head of how it's going to happen, how we're going to raise them, and how they're going to be when they grow up..Well, let me just say, boyyyyy was I wrong! I love my son more than anything in this world, but Motherhood is NOTHING like I expected it to be. My son was supposed to come with an instruction manual: when to eat, when to change him, how to change him, when he's supposed to burp, how he's supposed to sleep, when he stops taking naps, how to make him crawl, walk, burp...blah blah blah.....wasn't he?! haha, but seriously, when I was pregnant I bought book after book of "how to be the perfect mom" and "how to raise the perfect child" and a million others.
Half of these books told me to have my son burp after every couple ounces of formula, the others told me to let him drink the whole bottle then give him a nice big burp at the end. One third of the books told me to have him sleep on his side, in case he threw up, the second third told me to have him sleep on his back so he wouldn't roll over and suffocate, the last third told me to have him sleep on his stomach with his head to the side. One half of the books told me to not hold him to much, because he would grow up to be a spoiled baby, the other half told me to carry him as much as I could because letting him lay down or sit in a baby swing all day would give him a flat head. Half the books said hold his hands up and let him walk, the other half said let him do it on his own so he doesn't mess up his legs.....UGH!!!
So, my conclusion??...I did whatever I thought was right! I did what seemed good and suitable for MY SON. I burped him after every four ounces. I wedged him on his side between two small pillows when he went to sleep, so he didn't end up on his back or his stomach. I gave him a Binky, yes, the evil word to most parents! I did it!...And you know what? When HE got sick of it, he decided on his own that he didn't want it anymore. I gave him belly time every day so he could gain the ambition to want to get up and crawl around...and guess what? He did it! I carried him or put him in his doorway bouncy, this way he didn't get "to much carry time", but he didn't get a flat head either. He's now six years old, and so far, little damage has been done to him. I think I've managed to raise a pretty outstanding, admirable son, if I do say so myself :)
My point is, there ARE NO INSTRUCTION MANUALS on being a parent and raising a baby. It's trial and error. I believe that Mother's are born with the parenting gene embedded somewhere inside of their body, and when they have children...they just know. I know that, what worked for my son, might not have worked for someone else's child. I know that every kid is different, and I know that there is theory upon theory upon theory, about how to be a good parent, and what you should and shouldn't do with your kids, and what's good and what's bad, and this and this......but I believe that when you have a child of your own...you just know. I knew when he was hungry. I knew when he needed to be changed. I knew when he was tired. I knew when he was fussy....I knew my son, even when he couldn't talk. I don't think that there is one person out there, that can tell you how to raise your child...I think that it is something that is in you, and only you. You know who your child is, and what he/she needs. ....your head, and your heart...are your own, self-made, never duplicated...instruction manual.
Half of these books told me to have my son burp after every couple ounces of formula, the others told me to let him drink the whole bottle then give him a nice big burp at the end. One third of the books told me to have him sleep on his side, in case he threw up, the second third told me to have him sleep on his back so he wouldn't roll over and suffocate, the last third told me to have him sleep on his stomach with his head to the side. One half of the books told me to not hold him to much, because he would grow up to be a spoiled baby, the other half told me to carry him as much as I could because letting him lay down or sit in a baby swing all day would give him a flat head. Half the books said hold his hands up and let him walk, the other half said let him do it on his own so he doesn't mess up his legs.....UGH!!!
So, my conclusion??...I did whatever I thought was right! I did what seemed good and suitable for MY SON. I burped him after every four ounces. I wedged him on his side between two small pillows when he went to sleep, so he didn't end up on his back or his stomach. I gave him a Binky, yes, the evil word to most parents! I did it!...And you know what? When HE got sick of it, he decided on his own that he didn't want it anymore. I gave him belly time every day so he could gain the ambition to want to get up and crawl around...and guess what? He did it! I carried him or put him in his doorway bouncy, this way he didn't get "to much carry time", but he didn't get a flat head either. He's now six years old, and so far, little damage has been done to him. I think I've managed to raise a pretty outstanding, admirable son, if I do say so myself :)
My point is, there ARE NO INSTRUCTION MANUALS on being a parent and raising a baby. It's trial and error. I believe that Mother's are born with the parenting gene embedded somewhere inside of their body, and when they have children...they just know. I know that, what worked for my son, might not have worked for someone else's child. I know that every kid is different, and I know that there is theory upon theory upon theory, about how to be a good parent, and what you should and shouldn't do with your kids, and what's good and what's bad, and this and this......but I believe that when you have a child of your own...you just know. I knew when he was hungry. I knew when he needed to be changed. I knew when he was tired. I knew when he was fussy....I knew my son, even when he couldn't talk. I don't think that there is one person out there, that can tell you how to raise your child...I think that it is something that is in you, and only you. You know who your child is, and what he/she needs. ....your head, and your heart...are your own, self-made, never duplicated...instruction manual.
Monday, January 16, 2012
Perfectly Imperfect...
When we're little girls, we have this specific, detailed, intricate plan of how our lives are going to be, from what type people we want to be friends with in high school, to who we want to marry, and what we want our wedding dress to look like...it's inevitable, every girl does it (just not every one admits it). We look at magazines and wish we could look like anyone but ourselves, we want the best jobs so we can have the best things, we want the nicest car when we finally get our licenses, we want the prettiest prom dress, the most handsome boyfriend, and the best friends....but then we grow up, and realize that life doesn't really work like that. Life, and all it's imperfections...actually add up to be absolutely perfect for us.
I had it all planned out when I was little. I was going to get the best grades in school, I was going to have a million friends, I was going to get a good job and buy a nice car that was better than all my friends, I was gonna look like a princess for prom, I was going to go out with the school jock, then I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get an awesome degree, marry my high school sweetheart, own a nice big house, and live happily ever after. It was that simple for me. That was my plan, nothing more, nothing less....then I got older and my Pretty Woman complex ended and reality set in.
I got to high school and was put into all honors classes. I worked my butt off to keep my grades up. I had a lot of friends, but they weren't the popular crowd...by that point in my life, I had realized that I didn't want to be popular for the same reasons as the other girls did...I didn't think my reputation was worth the popularity, so i was friends with all the odd ones out...we were like the land of misfit toys, but I was okay with that, because they were real friends. I finally got a job when I was old enough to get my work permit, and it was far from a "high paying profession"...I was a cashier at Price Chopper. haha. But, my job paid my bills, and eventually, I got a car...No, it wasn't a fancy BMW or a Bentley....I got a dodge neon! But it got me from point A to point B so who was I to complain?
Junior year rolled around, and I got asked to prom by one of my best friends. As much as I wanted to Cinderella Princess dress, I settled for a cute pink dress from TJ Maxx...far from my fairytale. But...I rocked it anyways and made it into something good. I was with my sons father all through high school, so my dream of dating the jock were long lost. I got pregnant my senior year, 3 months before my 18th birthday, and dropped out, so needless to say, I didn't graduate top in my class and go to some exquisite college. Instead, I got my GED while I was pregnant, and went to Dental Assisting School when my son was first born. I graduated from there top in my class, and got a job in an Orthodontic Office. I didn't get a big fancy house, and I sure didn't get married! But I got a nice apartment, and a newer car than I had had, and I was working at a job that was a career, not something I hated doing, but dealt with to make money.
I guess I came to learn, that the things that I have, may not be perfect to someone else, but they are perfect to, and for, me. I live in a nice apartment, I have a degree in something I like doing, I have a beautiful son that I love more than anything in this world, I have a good relationship with my family, I have a fiance who I love with all my heart, and I'm finally happy with myself. I might not have gotten my perfect childhood fairytale...but I got my grown-up, real life happy story. My life turned out to be, perfectly imperfect...and I'm okay with that. <3
I had it all planned out when I was little. I was going to get the best grades in school, I was going to have a million friends, I was going to get a good job and buy a nice car that was better than all my friends, I was gonna look like a princess for prom, I was going to go out with the school jock, then I was going to graduate high school, go to college, get an awesome degree, marry my high school sweetheart, own a nice big house, and live happily ever after. It was that simple for me. That was my plan, nothing more, nothing less....then I got older and my Pretty Woman complex ended and reality set in.
I got to high school and was put into all honors classes. I worked my butt off to keep my grades up. I had a lot of friends, but they weren't the popular crowd...by that point in my life, I had realized that I didn't want to be popular for the same reasons as the other girls did...I didn't think my reputation was worth the popularity, so i was friends with all the odd ones out...we were like the land of misfit toys, but I was okay with that, because they were real friends. I finally got a job when I was old enough to get my work permit, and it was far from a "high paying profession"...I was a cashier at Price Chopper. haha. But, my job paid my bills, and eventually, I got a car...No, it wasn't a fancy BMW or a Bentley....I got a dodge neon! But it got me from point A to point B so who was I to complain?
Junior year rolled around, and I got asked to prom by one of my best friends. As much as I wanted to Cinderella Princess dress, I settled for a cute pink dress from TJ Maxx...far from my fairytale. But...I rocked it anyways and made it into something good. I was with my sons father all through high school, so my dream of dating the jock were long lost. I got pregnant my senior year, 3 months before my 18th birthday, and dropped out, so needless to say, I didn't graduate top in my class and go to some exquisite college. Instead, I got my GED while I was pregnant, and went to Dental Assisting School when my son was first born. I graduated from there top in my class, and got a job in an Orthodontic Office. I didn't get a big fancy house, and I sure didn't get married! But I got a nice apartment, and a newer car than I had had, and I was working at a job that was a career, not something I hated doing, but dealt with to make money.
I guess I came to learn, that the things that I have, may not be perfect to someone else, but they are perfect to, and for, me. I live in a nice apartment, I have a degree in something I like doing, I have a beautiful son that I love more than anything in this world, I have a good relationship with my family, I have a fiance who I love with all my heart, and I'm finally happy with myself. I might not have gotten my perfect childhood fairytale...but I got my grown-up, real life happy story. My life turned out to be, perfectly imperfect...and I'm okay with that. <3
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Appreciate what deserves Appreciation.
I'm at the point in my life, where I'm realizing what is important, and what's not. I've found the people that are going to be there forever, and I've let go of the ones that don't deserve to be. I've decided what direction I want my future to go, and where I want to be in a couple of years. One thing that I'm still learning, is how to show the people that I have in my life, how much I actually care for them, and how much I appreciate them. Sometimes I do things, without thinking of the repercussions. Sometimes I do things, without thinking of how they will affect someone. Sometimes I unintentionally hurt someone without meaning to, because I don't think before I do things. I guess I could consider myself a spiteful person, which is a horrible quality to have....I'm happy with my life and where it's going...but part of me wishes unhappiness and nothing good, to people that have done me wrong. This part of me...is what gets me in trouble.
Curiosity often gets the best of me, and I'll sneak a peak at someone's facebook, to see if they're doing well, or if they're as unhappy as I hope they are. It's a horrible thing to say, and an even more horrible thing to do. So last night, while searching for new friends to request on my facebook to connect to Mommy blog, i saw one of my ex's names on the list. I saw that his picture was of him and a girl that I went to school with...so I clicked....in my head I said the reason that I clicked on his name, was to request her as a friend, because she has a daughter....but in all actuality, I think I wanted to see him unhappy...I wanted to see him miserable. My fiance was sitting right next to me....why i did it, I don't know. I have No feelings for this guy, and I don't want or feel the need to talk to him...I just want to see him unhappy. I know it's not right, and I know that I shouldn't have done it, but my curiosity got the better of me.
If it was something I could take back, I would. I hurt someone who means much more to me, than finding out if one of my ex's is unhappy. Out of respect for my other half, I shouldn't have done it. I should have known that if he knew, it would hurt him. I should have put myself in his place, and thought about how I would have felt if he had done that to me. I betrayed his trust, over something stupid.
Everyday he goes out of his way to show me how much he loves and cares for me, from telling me that I'm beautiful when I first wake up in the morning, to buying me a random flower when he runs to the gas station at 3 in the morning. He takes care of my son like he's his own, he loves my family despite how crazy we all are, he makes me smile just because, and he loves me for me. He is everything anyone could ever ask for and more. I have to learn to appreciate him for who he is and for everything that he does for me. I need to stop and think before I do things, and I need to never take him for granted. There are a million girls that would line up for him, if I ruined what we had. He is my entire world. He's what makes me heart beat and my stomach flutter. It's time that I let go of the past and let it be. How anyone is doing, is none of my business...I shouldn't care. I have my present, and my future, right here with me..and i intend on keeping it that way by showing everyday, how grateful I am to have him.
Curiosity often gets the best of me, and I'll sneak a peak at someone's facebook, to see if they're doing well, or if they're as unhappy as I hope they are. It's a horrible thing to say, and an even more horrible thing to do. So last night, while searching for new friends to request on my facebook to connect to Mommy blog, i saw one of my ex's names on the list. I saw that his picture was of him and a girl that I went to school with...so I clicked....in my head I said the reason that I clicked on his name, was to request her as a friend, because she has a daughter....but in all actuality, I think I wanted to see him unhappy...I wanted to see him miserable. My fiance was sitting right next to me....why i did it, I don't know. I have No feelings for this guy, and I don't want or feel the need to talk to him...I just want to see him unhappy. I know it's not right, and I know that I shouldn't have done it, but my curiosity got the better of me.
If it was something I could take back, I would. I hurt someone who means much more to me, than finding out if one of my ex's is unhappy. Out of respect for my other half, I shouldn't have done it. I should have known that if he knew, it would hurt him. I should have put myself in his place, and thought about how I would have felt if he had done that to me. I betrayed his trust, over something stupid.
Everyday he goes out of his way to show me how much he loves and cares for me, from telling me that I'm beautiful when I first wake up in the morning, to buying me a random flower when he runs to the gas station at 3 in the morning. He takes care of my son like he's his own, he loves my family despite how crazy we all are, he makes me smile just because, and he loves me for me. He is everything anyone could ever ask for and more. I have to learn to appreciate him for who he is and for everything that he does for me. I need to stop and think before I do things, and I need to never take him for granted. There are a million girls that would line up for him, if I ruined what we had. He is my entire world. He's what makes me heart beat and my stomach flutter. It's time that I let go of the past and let it be. How anyone is doing, is none of my business...I shouldn't care. I have my present, and my future, right here with me..and i intend on keeping it that way by showing everyday, how grateful I am to have him.
Friday, January 13, 2012
Family First.
Things happen in life, and people come and go. I've come to the conclusion, that as mad as our family makes us sometimes, they will, undoubtedly, always be there for us when no one else is. I'm 24 years old, and I will proudly admit, that my father is my best friend. My Dad has always been there for me, even when I didn't deserve it. He would give me his last penny, if he knew that it would make me okay. When I sit back and think about it, I feel like a horrible person. Sometimes I've taken him for granted, or expected something just because I was used to him doing things for me. My Dad is an admirable man. For as long as I can remember, my dad has been a working man. When I was little, he worked endless hours, but still somehow managed to take me to all of my sports practices, games, and tournaments. He still found time in his day to play basketball with me in the driveway, in between cooking dinner and helping my sister with her homework.
He was always the disciplinarian, the mentor, the good guy...everything. My father was the one who took myself and my sister bra shopping, he took us to pick out our prom dresses, he listened to our relationship problems, he sat and did our homework with us for hours, he cooked dinner every night, no matter how late he got home from work...he did everything a dad should do...and more. My Mother suffers from anxiety and depression, so she missed out on a lot of me and my sister growing up...but not my dad, he never missed a beat. My Dad is the ideal family man. He supported my mother, no matter what she wanted to do: if she didn't want to work, he would pick up extra hours at work, when she wanted to run a daycare, he transformed our house into a kid ready zone, when she hated our small house, he put a full dormer on the upstairs, with a double vanity sink and a deep bath tub, when she got sick of the downstairs bathroom, he gutted the whole thing and built it from the beams up, with a beautiful tub, brass fixtures, and a tile floor. When she didn't have anywhere to sit outside because the sun made her skin break out, he built a farmers porch across the front of the house so she could sit outside and enjoy the summer.
My dad took so much time making me, my sister, and my mom happy, I think he lost track of himself. He deserved so much, but he never asked for anything, from anyone. I was far from an angel child, but my dad stood by my side no matter what, and always supported my decisions, and worked through my mistakes with me. He always had faith that I could do whatever I wanted. I was attached to my dads hip growing up, everywhere he went...I went. Sometimes me and him took day trips just to get away from life. We would go fishing for an entire day, or take a drive to the other side of the state just to get out. When I had my son and lived a state away, I called my dad every night to say goodnight, and every morning to tell him to have a good day. I wasn't ashamed. Most people my age don't want anything to do with their parents...me? I love mine. I talk to mine every day, I see my dad every single day, and I see my mom a couple of times a month.
I look back now and I realize that everything my father ever did, was in mine and my sisters best interest. He is a good person, heart and soul. I am forever grateful for everything my dad has done for me, and nothing I could ever do, could amount to the things that he's given or done for me. My Dad will be my best friend for my whole life. He was there for me when no one else was, and sometimes I don't take that into account...most parents wouldn't deal with what I put him through, and most wouldn't still give their kids chance after chance when they just keep screwing up over and over. When I was in third grade, I had to write a paper about who my hero was...I chose my Dad...and that....that will never change. So thank you Dad for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for sticking by my side and believing in me. Thank you for having faith in me, even when I continue to disappoint you. Thank you for being the best. And most of all, thank you for your unconditional love. I love you dad.
He was always the disciplinarian, the mentor, the good guy...everything. My father was the one who took myself and my sister bra shopping, he took us to pick out our prom dresses, he listened to our relationship problems, he sat and did our homework with us for hours, he cooked dinner every night, no matter how late he got home from work...he did everything a dad should do...and more. My Mother suffers from anxiety and depression, so she missed out on a lot of me and my sister growing up...but not my dad, he never missed a beat. My Dad is the ideal family man. He supported my mother, no matter what she wanted to do: if she didn't want to work, he would pick up extra hours at work, when she wanted to run a daycare, he transformed our house into a kid ready zone, when she hated our small house, he put a full dormer on the upstairs, with a double vanity sink and a deep bath tub, when she got sick of the downstairs bathroom, he gutted the whole thing and built it from the beams up, with a beautiful tub, brass fixtures, and a tile floor. When she didn't have anywhere to sit outside because the sun made her skin break out, he built a farmers porch across the front of the house so she could sit outside and enjoy the summer.
My dad took so much time making me, my sister, and my mom happy, I think he lost track of himself. He deserved so much, but he never asked for anything, from anyone. I was far from an angel child, but my dad stood by my side no matter what, and always supported my decisions, and worked through my mistakes with me. He always had faith that I could do whatever I wanted. I was attached to my dads hip growing up, everywhere he went...I went. Sometimes me and him took day trips just to get away from life. We would go fishing for an entire day, or take a drive to the other side of the state just to get out. When I had my son and lived a state away, I called my dad every night to say goodnight, and every morning to tell him to have a good day. I wasn't ashamed. Most people my age don't want anything to do with their parents...me? I love mine. I talk to mine every day, I see my dad every single day, and I see my mom a couple of times a month.
I look back now and I realize that everything my father ever did, was in mine and my sisters best interest. He is a good person, heart and soul. I am forever grateful for everything my dad has done for me, and nothing I could ever do, could amount to the things that he's given or done for me. My Dad will be my best friend for my whole life. He was there for me when no one else was, and sometimes I don't take that into account...most parents wouldn't deal with what I put him through, and most wouldn't still give their kids chance after chance when they just keep screwing up over and over. When I was in third grade, I had to write a paper about who my hero was...I chose my Dad...and that....that will never change. So thank you Dad for everything you've ever done for me. Thank you for sticking by my side and believing in me. Thank you for having faith in me, even when I continue to disappoint you. Thank you for being the best. And most of all, thank you for your unconditional love. I love you dad.
Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Lessons from my son...
I've come to the conclusion, and I'm comfortable saying, that I will never stop learning from my son. He will never cease to amaze me, and he will forever be the voice of reason when I have irrational moments. My sons father and I separated before my son was even a year old. He had nothing to do with him for the first year that we were split up. My mother left our family when my son was two years old. We came home from work one day, and my mom, and everything in our house was gone....my father was served with divorce papers two days later. Earlier that morning, my cat, that I had had since I was in preschool, had died, so when my son came home from daycare, I had to explain to him why his grandma, the dog annnd the cat were all gone. I sat him down and told him that Grandma moved somewhere else and she wasn't going to be living with us anymore. At the age of two, you're pretty resilient, plus he had already experienced not having his dad be there, so he was used to it.
Once the smoke had settled and I had made up with my mother and forgiven her for what she had done, we started going out to visit her. My son loved going to spend time with his Grandma. One day, when leaving the house that my mom was staying at, we get into the car, I get my son strapped in, get into the drivers seat, and before I pull out he says, "Mom, how come Grandma can't just come home with us?" The only reply, or example I could use, was me and his father, so i said, "Baby, grandma and grandpa, are like Mommy and Daddy..." Without a seconds hesitation, and without letting me finish what I was saying, he stated, "They still love each other, they just can't live together, right Mom? Sometimes people love each other, but they just can't get along, and they hurt each others' feelings, more than they make each other happy. That's why grandma won't come home." What he said was more of a statement, than a question. Before just breaking down and crying, I said, "You're right buddy....you're right."
To hear this statement come out of my two year old child's mouth, was something that I didn't expect. My son is wise beyond his years. He has been through so much in life, and still manages to smile every day. He's lived in about seven different homes, between myself, his father, and both of his grandparents, and still somehow, he manages to be a relatively happy, and optimistic child. A few months back, I had a procedure done. I was home alone, just me and my son, and I wasn't feeling good. I was in so much pain, all I could do was curl up in a ball and cry. I didn't want to tell my dad what I had done, so I didn't call. My son went into the kitchen, grabbed his icepack out of the fridge, climbed up in the chair next to me, put the ice pack on my head, wiped away my tears, and said, "It'll be okay Mommy, don't cry. I'll sit with you all night, you'll be okay." He then went to the night stand, and pulled out the thermometer, and took my temperature. He sat with me all night. I truly believe that my son, is my saving grace. He is my strength and admiration. He is wise beyond his years.
I'd like to take all the credit for raising such an amazing boy, but I can't...I really just got lucky. He never looses his faith, his love, his loyalty, or his kindness. He has his moments, as does any kid, but in all actuality, I have an angel for a son. He loves me no matter what, he never judges, he never holds grudges, he's there when I'm lost, and he's by my side through thick and thin. I will never stop learning from my son, he will teach me something new every day. His simple, yet complex mind will never cease to amaze me. He, in only his six years here, is a much stronger person than I am. I admire him and love him more than I had ever fathomed being able to feel about someone. My son is my world.
Once the smoke had settled and I had made up with my mother and forgiven her for what she had done, we started going out to visit her. My son loved going to spend time with his Grandma. One day, when leaving the house that my mom was staying at, we get into the car, I get my son strapped in, get into the drivers seat, and before I pull out he says, "Mom, how come Grandma can't just come home with us?" The only reply, or example I could use, was me and his father, so i said, "Baby, grandma and grandpa, are like Mommy and Daddy..." Without a seconds hesitation, and without letting me finish what I was saying, he stated, "They still love each other, they just can't live together, right Mom? Sometimes people love each other, but they just can't get along, and they hurt each others' feelings, more than they make each other happy. That's why grandma won't come home." What he said was more of a statement, than a question. Before just breaking down and crying, I said, "You're right buddy....you're right."
To hear this statement come out of my two year old child's mouth, was something that I didn't expect. My son is wise beyond his years. He has been through so much in life, and still manages to smile every day. He's lived in about seven different homes, between myself, his father, and both of his grandparents, and still somehow, he manages to be a relatively happy, and optimistic child. A few months back, I had a procedure done. I was home alone, just me and my son, and I wasn't feeling good. I was in so much pain, all I could do was curl up in a ball and cry. I didn't want to tell my dad what I had done, so I didn't call. My son went into the kitchen, grabbed his icepack out of the fridge, climbed up in the chair next to me, put the ice pack on my head, wiped away my tears, and said, "It'll be okay Mommy, don't cry. I'll sit with you all night, you'll be okay." He then went to the night stand, and pulled out the thermometer, and took my temperature. He sat with me all night. I truly believe that my son, is my saving grace. He is my strength and admiration. He is wise beyond his years.
I'd like to take all the credit for raising such an amazing boy, but I can't...I really just got lucky. He never looses his faith, his love, his loyalty, or his kindness. He has his moments, as does any kid, but in all actuality, I have an angel for a son. He loves me no matter what, he never judges, he never holds grudges, he's there when I'm lost, and he's by my side through thick and thin. I will never stop learning from my son, he will teach me something new every day. His simple, yet complex mind will never cease to amaze me. He, in only his six years here, is a much stronger person than I am. I admire him and love him more than I had ever fathomed being able to feel about someone. My son is my world.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Out of the mouth of babes!
Some days I just don't understand where my six year old gets the things that he says! We'll be arguing, or I'll tell him to do something, and his replies absolutely floor me. I don't ever remember talking to my parents the way that my son talks to me, and if I did, I'm pretty sure I would have spent a good amount of my childhood life, locked away in my bedroom! I've never been told I've been hated so much in my life, as I have in the last year by my child. But hey, if he hates me right now, I must be doing something right huh? For example: the other day I told him to do something, and his direct reply was, "You know what Mom? You're really starting to aggravate me!" ....WHAT??? The thing that killed me, is he said it while standing there scowling at me with his hand on his hip. Now what am I supposed to do when he says this? Half of me wants to burst out laughing because of the oh so serious look on his face, with his raised eyebrow. The other half wants to slap him in his fresh little mouth.
One day we were in WalMart, and while going down one of the toy isles, he sees a Woody doll from the Toy Story movie. He asked my father if he could get the doll, my dad replied, "Mom is the boss and she says no." So now my son starts screaming, "I WANT A WOODY!!! WHY CAN'T I GET A WOODY MOM!!!" Fellow shoppers slowed down to see what the commotion was all about. Here is this six year old kid, screaming at me in the middle of WalMart, because he can't get a Woody. As I'm turning about 7 shades of red, people are laughing at the whole scene. Finally, to spare myself any further embarrassment, I scowl, "Just get him the damn doll!" Needless to say, my son was banned from trips to WalMart with me for a couple of months!
Another memorable time of my "out of the mouth of babes" saga, myself, my son, and my dad were shopping in the grocery store. My son had to be about 3 1/2-4 years old at the time. As we're walking down the isle, a woman that my father knew stopped to talk to us. Now this woman was rather...homely...to put it nicely. Everything was going fine, she was just talking to my dad, and me and the baby were shopping. All of a sudden, she turns to my son, and with a huge, jack-o-lantern smile on her face, says, "Ohhhh look at you! Aren't you just the cutest!" My son paused and looked at her for a second before saying..."What happened to your face?" .......awkward......! She just laughed and looked at my dad and said, "What did he say?" Without even thinking, I jumped in and said, "He said let's get out of this place." The woman just laughed and replied, "Ohhhh how cute!" ...Whew! What a save!
Every day my son comes home from school, he has a bad note. And every day when I ask, it's NEVER his fault...conveniently. Today a note came home from his teacher that included, (and this is no lie), "and when asked to stop by teachers on duty, he started growling at them..." .....Really?! How do you reprimand a child for GROWLING at someone?! Could you even imagine?? If only you could go to work, and when your boss tells you to do something you don't want to do...just growl at them. HA! As mad as I should have been when I read it, all I could do was laugh and say, "Really Diego..Really??? You seriously growled at your teacher?? What would possess you to do such a thing??" His reply..."They made me mad." okayyyyyy...that was the END of that conversation!
My child is one of a kind, as is every other mother's. There is not one child like another. They all have their qualities that make them who they are. They all have their times that make us laugh, and their times that they frustrate us. But sometimes, you just have to take a step back, and laugh about the things that come out of their mouths. I give my son credit, some days I wish I could be as quick with my comebacks as he is. And some days, I wish, Oh how I wish, I could just say what was on my mind and not give two craps! haha
One day we were in WalMart, and while going down one of the toy isles, he sees a Woody doll from the Toy Story movie. He asked my father if he could get the doll, my dad replied, "Mom is the boss and she says no." So now my son starts screaming, "I WANT A WOODY!!! WHY CAN'T I GET A WOODY MOM!!!" Fellow shoppers slowed down to see what the commotion was all about. Here is this six year old kid, screaming at me in the middle of WalMart, because he can't get a Woody. As I'm turning about 7 shades of red, people are laughing at the whole scene. Finally, to spare myself any further embarrassment, I scowl, "Just get him the damn doll!" Needless to say, my son was banned from trips to WalMart with me for a couple of months!
Another memorable time of my "out of the mouth of babes" saga, myself, my son, and my dad were shopping in the grocery store. My son had to be about 3 1/2-4 years old at the time. As we're walking down the isle, a woman that my father knew stopped to talk to us. Now this woman was rather...homely...to put it nicely. Everything was going fine, she was just talking to my dad, and me and the baby were shopping. All of a sudden, she turns to my son, and with a huge, jack-o-lantern smile on her face, says, "Ohhhh look at you! Aren't you just the cutest!" My son paused and looked at her for a second before saying..."What happened to your face?" .......awkward......! She just laughed and looked at my dad and said, "What did he say?" Without even thinking, I jumped in and said, "He said let's get out of this place." The woman just laughed and replied, "Ohhhh how cute!" ...Whew! What a save!
Every day my son comes home from school, he has a bad note. And every day when I ask, it's NEVER his fault...conveniently. Today a note came home from his teacher that included, (and this is no lie), "and when asked to stop by teachers on duty, he started growling at them..." .....Really?! How do you reprimand a child for GROWLING at someone?! Could you even imagine?? If only you could go to work, and when your boss tells you to do something you don't want to do...just growl at them. HA! As mad as I should have been when I read it, all I could do was laugh and say, "Really Diego..Really??? You seriously growled at your teacher?? What would possess you to do such a thing??" His reply..."They made me mad." okayyyyyy...that was the END of that conversation!
My child is one of a kind, as is every other mother's. There is not one child like another. They all have their qualities that make them who they are. They all have their times that make us laugh, and their times that they frustrate us. But sometimes, you just have to take a step back, and laugh about the things that come out of their mouths. I give my son credit, some days I wish I could be as quick with my comebacks as he is. And some days, I wish, Oh how I wish, I could just say what was on my mind and not give two craps! haha
Monday, January 9, 2012
Real Friends.
As we grow up, we meet all kinds of people. Some of them, we think are going to be in our lives forever, others, we know are just a phase. Having a baby truly makes you realize who your real friends are, and who will be there no matter what. When I had my son, no one was there. No one came to visit, no one stopped by when I got home, and no one said goodbye when I moved a state away...but could I blame them? No. How could I? We were all just graduating high school, and everyone was going off to college. Who would ever want to sit at home with me and a crying baby, rather than go out and party it up? I wouldn't. Now that my son is older, and all of my friends are deciding to have babies now...now they all come back around. I'm at the point in my life, and I'm comfortable saying that I have come to the conclusion that I have about 4 true friends that I know will be in my life for forever.
I don't hold grudges because they weren't there for the birth of my son. I don't get mad that it took months for them to return phone calls. I don't want to be spiteful because I was alone and they expect me to be there for them now that they're in the same situation....We were young. I've had one best friend, that's been there through thick and thin. We're been friends since preschool, and I cherish that for the simple fact that. not a lot of people can say that. Not a lot of people have lifelong friends. She was in college when my son was born. We talked occasionally, but not much...she was doing the college thing, and I was doing the Mom thing. When she came home, she met someone and ended up pregnant. I visited her in the hospital, and held her beautiful son. I spent a lot of time with her when he was first born. I would go over and help out with him when my son was at his fathers house.
I realized that sometimes people come and go, but the real ones always come back. She now has a daughter, a husband, a house, and two dogs. She went to nursing school while raising two babies, and graduated top in her class. We don't see each other much, but I've realized more and more that, friends aren't the people you go out and have drinks with every night, they're not the people that call you only when they have a problem, they're not the people that only want something to do with you when you're single and can go out clubbing all the time. Real friends are the ones you can go days, maybe even weeks, without talking to, and when you finally get a chance to call them between dinner, bath and bedtime, they take the time to talk to you and actually care about what's been going on in your life. Friends don't have to be attached at the hip, they understand that we're older now, we all have our own lives and things to take care of. They get the fact that, just because you haven't talked in a while, whenever one needs the other, they'll always be there.
I'm fortunate enough to have a very select few friends that have been there for me through almost everything. I'd rather have a few close friends...than a million acquaintances. These people know my secrets. They know my past, my mistakes, my joys, fears, pains and regrets...and they still love me for me. To me, that's what a real friend is. I think that when you become a parent, it's very important to have a few close friends. They help to keep you sane. They're an outlet when you feel overwhelmed. They're the voice of reason, when you feel irrational. They're a shoulder to cry on, on a bad day. They're a helpful insight when you just need a smile. When I sit back and take a minute to think about my life, what I've been through, and who's still here to be a part of it now...I consider myself very lucky. I have a whole nother family that may not be blood..but they're heart, and to me, that means just as much. :)
I don't hold grudges because they weren't there for the birth of my son. I don't get mad that it took months for them to return phone calls. I don't want to be spiteful because I was alone and they expect me to be there for them now that they're in the same situation....We were young. I've had one best friend, that's been there through thick and thin. We're been friends since preschool, and I cherish that for the simple fact that. not a lot of people can say that. Not a lot of people have lifelong friends. She was in college when my son was born. We talked occasionally, but not much...she was doing the college thing, and I was doing the Mom thing. When she came home, she met someone and ended up pregnant. I visited her in the hospital, and held her beautiful son. I spent a lot of time with her when he was first born. I would go over and help out with him when my son was at his fathers house.
I realized that sometimes people come and go, but the real ones always come back. She now has a daughter, a husband, a house, and two dogs. She went to nursing school while raising two babies, and graduated top in her class. We don't see each other much, but I've realized more and more that, friends aren't the people you go out and have drinks with every night, they're not the people that call you only when they have a problem, they're not the people that only want something to do with you when you're single and can go out clubbing all the time. Real friends are the ones you can go days, maybe even weeks, without talking to, and when you finally get a chance to call them between dinner, bath and bedtime, they take the time to talk to you and actually care about what's been going on in your life. Friends don't have to be attached at the hip, they understand that we're older now, we all have our own lives and things to take care of. They get the fact that, just because you haven't talked in a while, whenever one needs the other, they'll always be there.
I'm fortunate enough to have a very select few friends that have been there for me through almost everything. I'd rather have a few close friends...than a million acquaintances. These people know my secrets. They know my past, my mistakes, my joys, fears, pains and regrets...and they still love me for me. To me, that's what a real friend is. I think that when you become a parent, it's very important to have a few close friends. They help to keep you sane. They're an outlet when you feel overwhelmed. They're the voice of reason, when you feel irrational. They're a shoulder to cry on, on a bad day. They're a helpful insight when you just need a smile. When I sit back and take a minute to think about my life, what I've been through, and who's still here to be a part of it now...I consider myself very lucky. I have a whole nother family that may not be blood..but they're heart, and to me, that means just as much. :)
Sunday, January 8, 2012
That time in your life.....
Things happen in our lives that make us who we are. Some of those things are bad, some good, some happy...and some sad. I think that when you become a mother, you make the decision to leave all of the drama, fighting, and bs behind. When I was younger, if someone said something to me to insult me, I wouldn't know how to express my anger in any other way, than fighting. I always had to be the toughest, the baddest. When I became a mom, I learned that you can't be like that, you have to choose your battles, and handle them in a way that shows your child that getting angry and lashing out, isn't the way to handle a problem. Perfect example: My son came home from school the other day in a VERY bad mood. After asking him time and time again what he had gotten in trouble in school for, he refused to tell me. We came into the house and he had all of his toys piled on top of one whole corner of the couch. I asked him nicely to move his toys so that people in the house could have a place to sit. Without even a hesitation he yelled "These are the toys that I am taking to my Daddy's house when I go and i am NOT moving them." (Mind you, this happened on a Tuesday...I was not about to let his toys sit there until he left on Friday)
So I asked him again, "Please move your toys off of the couch. You don't have to put them away, but you have to move them so people can sit down. You can even put them right there in the corner if you want." As I said this, I saw the anger and frustration building up in his face. "I'm not moving my toys! I'm taking those to my Daddy's!" he screamed. So i took the toys off of the couch and put them on the floor. Without a seconds thought, he picked them all back up and put them right back on the couch. Without saying a word, I put them back on the floor and told him again that they were not allowed on the couch. With complete disregard for what I had said multiple times, he put them back on the couch. So, without thinking, I picked them all up, opened up the cellar door, and threw them down the stairs into his playroom. Standing there looking at me in disbelief and complete fury, he ran down the stairs and brought them all back up one by one. I watched him do this for about five minutes.
When he had gotten all of his toys upstairs, he stood there screaming at me. "I hate you! This is why I want to go live with my dad! You're the worst mom I've ever had!" Oh the list goes on! Instead of yelling back at him, I let him get out what he had to say. When he had finished yelling, I calmly told him that he was not allowed to watch TV in the living room, due to the temper tantrum that he had just had, and for the way that he had talked to me. This made him even more mad. So I told him, "I'm not saying that you can't watch tv at all, I'm saying that you need to take some time to yourself and think about what you just said and did. You can go up to your room, turn the tv on, and sit on the bed and think about what you just did, and how you shouldn't talk to me this way." Well, he thought about what I had said for a minute, and I guess he came to the conclusion that, rather than stand there and argue with me, he should probably go up to his room and cool off, because he turned around, walked up the stairs, into his room, and closed the door.
To me, this was a victory, seeing as how every day for the last couple months, it was the same thing over and over. He told me every day how much he hated me and how he wished he lived with his dad so that he wouldn't have to listen to me anymore. About a half an hour later, he came down the stairs. I was sitting on the couch and he just stood there and looked at me for about a minute. Finally I asked him what he was doing, and his answer was..."I'm sorry. Can I please watch tv down here with you?" Before I said yes, I had him come sit next to me. I explained that when he gets mad, he needs to think before he says things. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I hated him, or how he would feel if I told him that I wanted to go live somewhere else?. He thought about it for a minute before saying "I would be sad and hurt." I said, "do you like to see Mommy sad? Do you like to hurt my feelings?" He looked down at his feet and quietly said "No."
I said to him, "Please just think about what you say before you say it. Mommy does a lot for you, and when you say mean things, you hurt my feelings." Without saying a word, he hugged me and gave me a kiss and said, "I'm sorry Mom. I love you." I knew then that he had actually listened to me. When you have kids, it's not about who wins an argument. It's about reason. No one wins when both people just sit there and yell. Some people might say that I'm to hard on my son, which is fine, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i disagree. I have never treated my son like a baby. I never baby talked him, I never treated him like he was incapable of doing things for himself, I always talked to him like he was my equal. When he tells me that he hates me, I remind myself that that's okay right now. It sounds horrible, but I'm not here to be my sons friend right now, I'm here to be Mom. I'm here to make sure he knows right from wrong. I'm here to make sure he knows respect, and love, discipline, stability, and responsibility. Someone has to be the bad guy. When he's older and has kids of his own..then I'll be his friend. For now, I'm the enforcer, the voice of reason, and the person who is making him into who he going to be when he gets older.
It's funny how, when we have children, we think that we are going to teach them everything....but in reality, our children teach us more than we could ever imagine. I have learned self control, patience, unconditional love, pride, respect, negotiation, hurt, and a million other things from my son. The things that come out of his mouth sometimes, are things that I can picture an adult saying. It's unbelievable to me, that sometimes, when I don't have the answer, my six year old child is the voice of reason. My son will never stop amazing me, and I could never thank him enough, for making me into the person that I am today. He changed my life...for the better.
So I asked him again, "Please move your toys off of the couch. You don't have to put them away, but you have to move them so people can sit down. You can even put them right there in the corner if you want." As I said this, I saw the anger and frustration building up in his face. "I'm not moving my toys! I'm taking those to my Daddy's!" he screamed. So i took the toys off of the couch and put them on the floor. Without a seconds thought, he picked them all back up and put them right back on the couch. Without saying a word, I put them back on the floor and told him again that they were not allowed on the couch. With complete disregard for what I had said multiple times, he put them back on the couch. So, without thinking, I picked them all up, opened up the cellar door, and threw them down the stairs into his playroom. Standing there looking at me in disbelief and complete fury, he ran down the stairs and brought them all back up one by one. I watched him do this for about five minutes.
When he had gotten all of his toys upstairs, he stood there screaming at me. "I hate you! This is why I want to go live with my dad! You're the worst mom I've ever had!" Oh the list goes on! Instead of yelling back at him, I let him get out what he had to say. When he had finished yelling, I calmly told him that he was not allowed to watch TV in the living room, due to the temper tantrum that he had just had, and for the way that he had talked to me. This made him even more mad. So I told him, "I'm not saying that you can't watch tv at all, I'm saying that you need to take some time to yourself and think about what you just said and did. You can go up to your room, turn the tv on, and sit on the bed and think about what you just did, and how you shouldn't talk to me this way." Well, he thought about what I had said for a minute, and I guess he came to the conclusion that, rather than stand there and argue with me, he should probably go up to his room and cool off, because he turned around, walked up the stairs, into his room, and closed the door.
To me, this was a victory, seeing as how every day for the last couple months, it was the same thing over and over. He told me every day how much he hated me and how he wished he lived with his dad so that he wouldn't have to listen to me anymore. About a half an hour later, he came down the stairs. I was sitting on the couch and he just stood there and looked at me for about a minute. Finally I asked him what he was doing, and his answer was..."I'm sorry. Can I please watch tv down here with you?" Before I said yes, I had him come sit next to me. I explained that when he gets mad, he needs to think before he says things. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I hated him, or how he would feel if I told him that I wanted to go live somewhere else?. He thought about it for a minute before saying "I would be sad and hurt." I said, "do you like to see Mommy sad? Do you like to hurt my feelings?" He looked down at his feet and quietly said "No."
I said to him, "Please just think about what you say before you say it. Mommy does a lot for you, and when you say mean things, you hurt my feelings." Without saying a word, he hugged me and gave me a kiss and said, "I'm sorry Mom. I love you." I knew then that he had actually listened to me. When you have kids, it's not about who wins an argument. It's about reason. No one wins when both people just sit there and yell. Some people might say that I'm to hard on my son, which is fine, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i disagree. I have never treated my son like a baby. I never baby talked him, I never treated him like he was incapable of doing things for himself, I always talked to him like he was my equal. When he tells me that he hates me, I remind myself that that's okay right now. It sounds horrible, but I'm not here to be my sons friend right now, I'm here to be Mom. I'm here to make sure he knows right from wrong. I'm here to make sure he knows respect, and love, discipline, stability, and responsibility. Someone has to be the bad guy. When he's older and has kids of his own..then I'll be his friend. For now, I'm the enforcer, the voice of reason, and the person who is making him into who he going to be when he gets older.
It's funny how, when we have children, we think that we are going to teach them everything....but in reality, our children teach us more than we could ever imagine. I have learned self control, patience, unconditional love, pride, respect, negotiation, hurt, and a million other things from my son. The things that come out of his mouth sometimes, are things that I can picture an adult saying. It's unbelievable to me, that sometimes, when I don't have the answer, my six year old child is the voice of reason. My son will never stop amazing me, and I could never thank him enough, for making me into the person that I am today. He changed my life...for the better.
The Love of My Life
Sometimes you have this plan for your life, the way things are going to be, who's going to be a part of it, and how it's going to happen...and sometimes someone comes along that changes every thought you ever had, and turns you into someone you never thought you'd be. As I said in my post last night, I had it in my head, that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life: only me and my son was all I needed. I was convinced that every guy that came along would hurt me, or betray me somewhere down the road, so I never gave anyone a chance.
I started working for a company as a receptionist a few years back. I was hired to answer the phones, and handle overflow work for the office manager. One day, the owner of the company came to me and told me that he wanted me to work on something for him: the company had no service program, so he wanted me to create one, from the ground up. Well, this was an amazing opportunity to do something that I had never done before. I was excited! I set out to work, collecting old records for every customer the company had ever had from the beginning. Once I got the program going, the boss came in and told he was taking one of the production guys off of the crew, and he would be the new service guy for my program. I had never met this guy before, so I didn't know what to expect.
I met him, and we clicked instantly. We made an amazing working team. We brainstormed ideas, came up with new methods for our program..and our department flourished. Within the next couple months, our program had made the company over $30,000...not bad for a couple of kids who had no idea what they were doing when they started it. As the two youngest people in the company, we had turned nothing, into an entire, successful department. We had customers that only wanted to deal with just us, we had made it. We had a full schedule, booked out 6 months in advance, with customers still calling in to make appointments.
As the program grew, so did our friendship. At first, it was because we had no choice: we were the only people in the department, we had to work together to make anything successful...but then, it became choice. When one was having a bad day, the other would make it a point to make the other one happy, whether it was listening to a problem, or making them laugh and feel better. When you work for a company that you spend more than 50 hours of your week at, you tend to grow relationships with the people you work with. We'd talk about life, learning, ideas, our day...anything really. He became not only my coworker, but my best friend. He was there when I needed him, and I was there for him.
A year passed and we got closer and closer. Then I left the company...for a lot of different reasons. The place just didn't work in my life anymore. I gave it all up and walked away. I was going through a rough patch in my life, and felt like I had no one. I had erased everyone from the company out of my life, off of my facebook....just like that. One day, my phone went off...It was my coworker. All the message said was, "Are you okay?" I knew then, that he was a genuine person. I had abandoned my job, and him. I left the department and he had to pick it all up by himself, and for him to still care about me and if I was okay, meant something. We spent days talking. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to meet up with me for dinner..we met up. After we finished eating, we spent hours just talking in the parking lot.
The next couple of weeks we hung out a lot. We went fishing, out to dinner, or just spent time watching tv at my house. The more we hung out, the more I realized that he might be someone different....not the same as every other guy...Then he met my son...and they clicked instantly. He made my whole family happy. It was like he was an instant addition. He spent endless days convincing me that he was different, and not all guys are the same, and he wasn't going to hurt me. Slowly, I started to realize, maybe he was genuine. He was over one night, and I suggested that he spend the night, so he didn't have to drive an hour ride back home. He stayed. And to my surprise, he fell asleep next to me and didn't try a single thing. He was respectful and caring. He would get up and go to work early in the morning, and come back home to me, no matter what time. It took weeks for him to even kiss me. He was dead set on proving that he was a good guy. And he did.
He's been with me every night since. My family absolutely adores him. My son loves him with all his heart, and he makes me the happiest girl in the whole world. He goes out of his way every day to show me how much he loves me. Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, we have good days and bad days, but we make it through. We keep the simple mentality, that we are a team, no matter what. We work together and fix any problems that we have. He makes me smile on bad days, wipes my tears on sad days, makes me laugh on angry days, and hugs me on lonely days. He treats my son like he's his own, and loves everyone in my family. He changed every view I ever had on men and how they treat women....and it all started as a little assignment at work...who woulda thought it?? ;)
I started working for a company as a receptionist a few years back. I was hired to answer the phones, and handle overflow work for the office manager. One day, the owner of the company came to me and told me that he wanted me to work on something for him: the company had no service program, so he wanted me to create one, from the ground up. Well, this was an amazing opportunity to do something that I had never done before. I was excited! I set out to work, collecting old records for every customer the company had ever had from the beginning. Once I got the program going, the boss came in and told he was taking one of the production guys off of the crew, and he would be the new service guy for my program. I had never met this guy before, so I didn't know what to expect.
I met him, and we clicked instantly. We made an amazing working team. We brainstormed ideas, came up with new methods for our program..and our department flourished. Within the next couple months, our program had made the company over $30,000...not bad for a couple of kids who had no idea what they were doing when they started it. As the two youngest people in the company, we had turned nothing, into an entire, successful department. We had customers that only wanted to deal with just us, we had made it. We had a full schedule, booked out 6 months in advance, with customers still calling in to make appointments.
As the program grew, so did our friendship. At first, it was because we had no choice: we were the only people in the department, we had to work together to make anything successful...but then, it became choice. When one was having a bad day, the other would make it a point to make the other one happy, whether it was listening to a problem, or making them laugh and feel better. When you work for a company that you spend more than 50 hours of your week at, you tend to grow relationships with the people you work with. We'd talk about life, learning, ideas, our day...anything really. He became not only my coworker, but my best friend. He was there when I needed him, and I was there for him.
A year passed and we got closer and closer. Then I left the company...for a lot of different reasons. The place just didn't work in my life anymore. I gave it all up and walked away. I was going through a rough patch in my life, and felt like I had no one. I had erased everyone from the company out of my life, off of my facebook....just like that. One day, my phone went off...It was my coworker. All the message said was, "Are you okay?" I knew then, that he was a genuine person. I had abandoned my job, and him. I left the department and he had to pick it all up by himself, and for him to still care about me and if I was okay, meant something. We spent days talking. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to meet up with me for dinner..we met up. After we finished eating, we spent hours just talking in the parking lot.
The next couple of weeks we hung out a lot. We went fishing, out to dinner, or just spent time watching tv at my house. The more we hung out, the more I realized that he might be someone different....not the same as every other guy...Then he met my son...and they clicked instantly. He made my whole family happy. It was like he was an instant addition. He spent endless days convincing me that he was different, and not all guys are the same, and he wasn't going to hurt me. Slowly, I started to realize, maybe he was genuine. He was over one night, and I suggested that he spend the night, so he didn't have to drive an hour ride back home. He stayed. And to my surprise, he fell asleep next to me and didn't try a single thing. He was respectful and caring. He would get up and go to work early in the morning, and come back home to me, no matter what time. It took weeks for him to even kiss me. He was dead set on proving that he was a good guy. And he did.
He's been with me every night since. My family absolutely adores him. My son loves him with all his heart, and he makes me the happiest girl in the whole world. He goes out of his way every day to show me how much he loves me. Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, we have good days and bad days, but we make it through. We keep the simple mentality, that we are a team, no matter what. We work together and fix any problems that we have. He makes me smile on bad days, wipes my tears on sad days, makes me laugh on angry days, and hugs me on lonely days. He treats my son like he's his own, and loves everyone in my family. He changed every view I ever had on men and how they treat women....and it all started as a little assignment at work...who woulda thought it?? ;)
“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before."- Anonymous
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Can't Sleep....
It's almost 2 a.m. and all I can do is sit on the computer listening to sad sappy songs (Chris Daughty always seems to work for me)....maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's that I'm overtired, or maybe it's that I miss my son and can't wait for him to come home tomorrow....either way, I don't like it. The only fortunate glimmer of hope I have, is the fact that I'm probably not the only mother doing this right now. I often wonder when it is that you decide that how you feel is no longer just a slump...and it becomes an actual problem. People blame the weather, or the holidays, or their time of the month, or anything that will make them feel somewhat sane and like they're not losing it. I think that as mothers, a lot of factors add up to make us sometimes feel the way that we do.
I got pregnant when I was 17, and gave birth to my amazing baby boy the year that i was supposed to graduate high school. I didn't plan on having a baby young...I planned on graduating school, going onto college, getting a good job, a house, a husband, and then babies...but life works in mysterious ways, and things seldom work out the way we plan when we're little girls writing down our destinies in our diaries. So needless to say, I lost a lot of friends when I had a baby. Everyone graduated school and went on with their lives, college, parties, boyfriends, clubs...all things that normal 18 year old girls should be doing. All i had was my son, and his father. We packed up our bags and moved out to another state, where i knew nobody. I worked two jobs, and took care of my son. Me and his father couldn't get along for the life of us. Everyday there was something new to argue about, it never got better. One day my whole world came to a halt, I found out that he had been cheating on me with one of our good friends...for 6 months. That day, my whole life, my fairytale that I had written in my diary as a child...shattered. Needless to say, I wasn't going to stay in something that wasn't real, so i packed his stuff for him, and he left.
So now I was still stuck living in this state that he had me move to, working all the time, and taking care of my son. It lasted for a little while, and then my breakdown began. I had no friends, my family never came out to see me (it was to far and i had burned a lot of bridges when i had moved in and had a baby with him in the first place), and raising a newborn on your own isn't easy. It took a few months, but eventually i came to the realization that I needed to go back home, I needed the support and love of my family. After I got back home and got settled in, I called my doctor and explained to her how I had been feeling lately. In complete hysterics, I told her that i didn't want my son anymore, and I couldn't do it. I told her i wanted to bring him back, and that he was to good of a baby to be stuck with a mother like me. Her response? "You're a young mom, this happens a lot. It will get better." After that, I went online to try to figure out what was wrong with me..what did i find? "Postpartum."
So now that I knew this was normal, and that I wasn't the only one, I set out to fix myself. I bought endless books about why I felt this way, and how i could make it better and be the mom that my son deserved to have. I realized that I didn't need to be with someone to be happy. I realized that the decisions that my sons father had made, was because of the person that HE was..not who I was. I realized that what happened, the fights, the lies, the cheating, and everything else, wasn't my fault. The only thing that I was at fault for...was staying as long as I did. So I got a new job full time, enrolled my son in daycare, and started my life over. I dedicated my life to giving my son any and everything that he needed. I worked all the overtime hours i could get. I missed his first word, the first time he crawled...his first steps. Some stranger that i paid to watch my son while I worked all the time, got to see all of the amazing milestones that all mothers anticipate. Still, I kept working and providing for my son the way a mother should.
After his father had left, he wanted nothing to do with myself or my son. A year went by before he saw him. I told him that if he wanted to be there, he had to help, he couldn't be a dad just when it was convenient for him. He agreed to take my son every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night, that way he still had his weekends to party and live it up. This lasted for about a year and a half, and then my son started school. When he started school, his father went back to not wanting to take him anymore. His mother finally convinced him that he should see his son at least on weekends because if i ever got up the courage to take him to court, he'd lose. He agreed. So as of today, as it stands, my son goes to his father's Friday afternoon, until Sunday afternoon. I hate sending him. I hate sharing him.
After all of this, there is one thing that i have learned...being in a bad relationship, and having a child to "fix" it, will never work. The only person that you end up hurting...is your child. An angry, hostile environment is no place to raise a baby. It effects how they act, how they feel, and who they become. It ruined who I was. For the longest time, I was bitter. I swore that it would never be anyone but me and my son for the rest of my life. I swore that I would never give anyone the chance to hurt me like he had. I spent 6 years avoiding relationships, and purposely destroying anything that had the potential to be good, just so I didn't risk being hurt. I had no trust in anyone...at all. I assumed that everyone would eventually hurt me, and i refused to put myself, or my son, through that again. So i worked. And my son went to school. And it was just me and him...and then someone came along that changed everything that I had ever felt, thought, or believed. He made me realize that everything i had thought all along, was wrong. I'll have to save him for the next blog though...he's to amazing to be able to sum up shortly...so for now, I'll say goodnight, and finish my story tomorrow. Goodnight
I got pregnant when I was 17, and gave birth to my amazing baby boy the year that i was supposed to graduate high school. I didn't plan on having a baby young...I planned on graduating school, going onto college, getting a good job, a house, a husband, and then babies...but life works in mysterious ways, and things seldom work out the way we plan when we're little girls writing down our destinies in our diaries. So needless to say, I lost a lot of friends when I had a baby. Everyone graduated school and went on with their lives, college, parties, boyfriends, clubs...all things that normal 18 year old girls should be doing. All i had was my son, and his father. We packed up our bags and moved out to another state, where i knew nobody. I worked two jobs, and took care of my son. Me and his father couldn't get along for the life of us. Everyday there was something new to argue about, it never got better. One day my whole world came to a halt, I found out that he had been cheating on me with one of our good friends...for 6 months. That day, my whole life, my fairytale that I had written in my diary as a child...shattered. Needless to say, I wasn't going to stay in something that wasn't real, so i packed his stuff for him, and he left.
So now I was still stuck living in this state that he had me move to, working all the time, and taking care of my son. It lasted for a little while, and then my breakdown began. I had no friends, my family never came out to see me (it was to far and i had burned a lot of bridges when i had moved in and had a baby with him in the first place), and raising a newborn on your own isn't easy. It took a few months, but eventually i came to the realization that I needed to go back home, I needed the support and love of my family. After I got back home and got settled in, I called my doctor and explained to her how I had been feeling lately. In complete hysterics, I told her that i didn't want my son anymore, and I couldn't do it. I told her i wanted to bring him back, and that he was to good of a baby to be stuck with a mother like me. Her response? "You're a young mom, this happens a lot. It will get better." After that, I went online to try to figure out what was wrong with me..what did i find? "Postpartum."
So now that I knew this was normal, and that I wasn't the only one, I set out to fix myself. I bought endless books about why I felt this way, and how i could make it better and be the mom that my son deserved to have. I realized that I didn't need to be with someone to be happy. I realized that the decisions that my sons father had made, was because of the person that HE was..not who I was. I realized that what happened, the fights, the lies, the cheating, and everything else, wasn't my fault. The only thing that I was at fault for...was staying as long as I did. So I got a new job full time, enrolled my son in daycare, and started my life over. I dedicated my life to giving my son any and everything that he needed. I worked all the overtime hours i could get. I missed his first word, the first time he crawled...his first steps. Some stranger that i paid to watch my son while I worked all the time, got to see all of the amazing milestones that all mothers anticipate. Still, I kept working and providing for my son the way a mother should.
After his father had left, he wanted nothing to do with myself or my son. A year went by before he saw him. I told him that if he wanted to be there, he had to help, he couldn't be a dad just when it was convenient for him. He agreed to take my son every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night, that way he still had his weekends to party and live it up. This lasted for about a year and a half, and then my son started school. When he started school, his father went back to not wanting to take him anymore. His mother finally convinced him that he should see his son at least on weekends because if i ever got up the courage to take him to court, he'd lose. He agreed. So as of today, as it stands, my son goes to his father's Friday afternoon, until Sunday afternoon. I hate sending him. I hate sharing him.
After all of this, there is one thing that i have learned...being in a bad relationship, and having a child to "fix" it, will never work. The only person that you end up hurting...is your child. An angry, hostile environment is no place to raise a baby. It effects how they act, how they feel, and who they become. It ruined who I was. For the longest time, I was bitter. I swore that it would never be anyone but me and my son for the rest of my life. I swore that I would never give anyone the chance to hurt me like he had. I spent 6 years avoiding relationships, and purposely destroying anything that had the potential to be good, just so I didn't risk being hurt. I had no trust in anyone...at all. I assumed that everyone would eventually hurt me, and i refused to put myself, or my son, through that again. So i worked. And my son went to school. And it was just me and him...and then someone came along that changed everything that I had ever felt, thought, or believed. He made me realize that everything i had thought all along, was wrong. I'll have to save him for the next blog though...he's to amazing to be able to sum up shortly...so for now, I'll say goodnight, and finish my story tomorrow. Goodnight
Trying, trying...trying...
Hey Ladies,
So now that my son is 6, and I've found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with...we've been trying to have a baby. Now, after I had my son and things didn't work out with his dad, I had made the sound decision that i never wanted any more kids, no matter what...But i guess things happen in your life and sometimes someone comes along and changes every thought you ever had about anything you thought you knew. I never wanted to get married, or have more kids...and now both of those things are top on my priority list...the only problem?? It seems like when you're not trying, you end up pregnant...and when you try, it's disappointment after disappointment from negative pregnancy tests. I'm so impatient and want to have good news now, that I'm letting it get to me. They say when you stop trying and just be with someone because you love them and don't have any expectations...that's when it happens.
I think sometimes I get down on myself because i think that it's my fault that we can't get pregnant. I blame myself for maybe being unhealthy, or for smoking sometimes, or for not getting exercise....for anything. I know that it's not my fault, but sometimes i can't help but think it is. We've only been trying for two months, so there's still plenty of time. I guess I'm just one of those people that, when i have my mind set on something, I want it, like now. Is there anyone else out there that's trying to have a baby and it's just not the right timing?? I sure hope i'm not the only one....
So now that my son is 6, and I've found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with...we've been trying to have a baby. Now, after I had my son and things didn't work out with his dad, I had made the sound decision that i never wanted any more kids, no matter what...But i guess things happen in your life and sometimes someone comes along and changes every thought you ever had about anything you thought you knew. I never wanted to get married, or have more kids...and now both of those things are top on my priority list...the only problem?? It seems like when you're not trying, you end up pregnant...and when you try, it's disappointment after disappointment from negative pregnancy tests. I'm so impatient and want to have good news now, that I'm letting it get to me. They say when you stop trying and just be with someone because you love them and don't have any expectations...that's when it happens.
I think sometimes I get down on myself because i think that it's my fault that we can't get pregnant. I blame myself for maybe being unhealthy, or for smoking sometimes, or for not getting exercise....for anything. I know that it's not my fault, but sometimes i can't help but think it is. We've only been trying for two months, so there's still plenty of time. I guess I'm just one of those people that, when i have my mind set on something, I want it, like now. Is there anyone else out there that's trying to have a baby and it's just not the right timing?? I sure hope i'm not the only one....
Friday, January 6, 2012
TGIF!!
Hey Ladies!
Friday is finally here!! Time to start planning a fun weekend with the kiddies. Some mom's are fortunate enough to have their kids on weekends, me? My son goes to his dad's Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon. :( So what do Mom's do with their children on weekends to keep them calm and happy? I used to take my son to little places around town, inexpensive, educational, but still fun. Here is a list of a few fun places to take your kids where they'll have a great time, and appreciate getting out of the house:
1. The Indoor - Outdoor Museum of Science and Nature
222 Harrington Way, Worcester, Ma. 01604
508-929-2700
-This is a fun and educational place where your child can learn new things and have a hands on experience of what is in their everyday life and how it came to be. The museum is easy to find and a lot cheaper than the Boston Aquarium, but still teaches your child interesting and fun lessons.
2. The Butterfly Place
120 Tyngsboro Road Westford, MA 01886
978-392-0955
-This is a very fun, beautiful, exciting place to take your child, of any age, to. It's inexpensive, and the building includes a full cafeteria and ice cream section where you can take a break from the butterfly room and enjoy a family meal. The hands-on experience is one of a kind. A huge enclosed area, where butterflies fly freely and land where they want. The scenery of wildlife, plants, frogs, small birds, and beautiful butterflies will bring a smile to your child's face.This is probably one of my top recommendations for family fun.
3. Old Sturbridge Village
1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge, Ma.
508-347-3362
-If you don't mind braving the cold for a family fun day, this place is perfect! It's a blast back to the olden days, when butter was churned manually, milk was taken from cows early every morning, and canoes were carved by hand for transportation. This place is full of exciting things to see and learn, and the staff is friendly and inviting. They include your children in their activities and educate them with fun lessons.
These are just a few suggestions of things to do with the kids over a weekend. I hope all you guys have a good weekend and enjoy time with your kids! :)
Friday is finally here!! Time to start planning a fun weekend with the kiddies. Some mom's are fortunate enough to have their kids on weekends, me? My son goes to his dad's Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon. :( So what do Mom's do with their children on weekends to keep them calm and happy? I used to take my son to little places around town, inexpensive, educational, but still fun. Here is a list of a few fun places to take your kids where they'll have a great time, and appreciate getting out of the house:
1. The Indoor - Outdoor Museum of Science and Nature
222 Harrington Way, Worcester, Ma. 01604
508-929-2700
-This is a fun and educational place where your child can learn new things and have a hands on experience of what is in their everyday life and how it came to be. The museum is easy to find and a lot cheaper than the Boston Aquarium, but still teaches your child interesting and fun lessons.
2. The Butterfly Place
120 Tyngsboro Road Westford, MA 01886
978-392-0955
-This is a very fun, beautiful, exciting place to take your child, of any age, to. It's inexpensive, and the building includes a full cafeteria and ice cream section where you can take a break from the butterfly room and enjoy a family meal. The hands-on experience is one of a kind. A huge enclosed area, where butterflies fly freely and land where they want. The scenery of wildlife, plants, frogs, small birds, and beautiful butterflies will bring a smile to your child's face.This is probably one of my top recommendations for family fun.
3. Old Sturbridge Village
1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge, Ma.
508-347-3362
-If you don't mind braving the cold for a family fun day, this place is perfect! It's a blast back to the olden days, when butter was churned manually, milk was taken from cows early every morning, and canoes were carved by hand for transportation. This place is full of exciting things to see and learn, and the staff is friendly and inviting. They include your children in their activities and educate them with fun lessons.
These are just a few suggestions of things to do with the kids over a weekend. I hope all you guys have a good weekend and enjoy time with your kids! :)
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Ohhh the joys of parenting....
So my son has been doing nothing but getting in trouble at school ever since he started this year. Now, I'm hoping it's just a phase, but I'm pretty sure once he hit terrible two's...it's been all downhill since then! I've tried behavior charts, red faces for bad days, green faces for good days, I've taken things away, rewarded him when he did something good..I've even stooped so low as to bribe him to be good in school! The problem isn't that he's not smart, he's actually a very bright kid...I think the problem is that he feels the need to defy anything authoritative. He hasn't had it easy, but it's like there is no common ground where we can meet and just agree on things. Every morning it's a fight to get him ready for school, whether it's, "Mom i don't feel good," "Mom i HATE school," "Mom i have nothing to wear...." the list goes on. Like really?!? You're six years old...what does what you wear have to do with going to school?? That stuff didn't even matter until i was at least in middle school! My son is undeniably...a diva. He has like 5 girlfriends in school, which is one of the only reasons i think he actually gets his butt outta bed in the morning to go! I have no idea what is happening to kids these days and where the rules and priorities went...but some days I've just had enough! Don't get me wrong, I love my son with all my heart and everything i have...but some days are just easier than others. A word of advice to all you girls out there: Wait to have babies. Wait until you're out of school, married, with a secure job, and a house. Children need this stability and consistency. There is no point in having a baby when you're young and "so in love,"...trust me...i would know....It's not fair to bring a child into something that is doomed right from the start. A child deserves a loving, caring, and well communicating family. I wouldn't trade my son for the entire world....but if i could go back i would have waited until i could give him so much more. Don't forget that when you have babies, they don't just go away, they are with you for life....they depend on you, need you, look up to you, learn from you, and end up who they are because of you.
"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan
"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie." ~Tenneva Jordan
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