Real Friends.

          As we grow up, we meet all kinds of people. Some of them, we think are going to be in our lives forever, others, we know are just a phase. Having a baby truly makes you realize who your real friends are, and who will be there no matter what. When I had my son, no one was there. No one came to visit, no one stopped by when I got home, and no one said goodbye when I moved a state away...but could I blame them? No. How could I? We were all just graduating high school, and everyone was going off to college. Who would ever want to sit at home with me and a crying baby, rather than go out and party it up? I wouldn't. Now that my son is older, and all of my friends are deciding to have babies now...now they all come back around. I'm at the point in my life, and I'm comfortable saying that I have come to the conclusion that I have about 4 true friends that I know will be in my life for forever. 
          I don't hold grudges because they weren't there for the birth of my son. I don't get mad that it took months for them to return phone calls. I don't want to be spiteful because I was alone and they expect me to be there for them now that they're in the same situation....We were young. I've had one best friend, that's been there through thick and thin. We're been friends since preschool, and I cherish that for the simple fact that. not a lot of people can say that. Not a lot of people have lifelong friends. She was in college when my son was born. We talked occasionally, but not much...she was doing the college thing, and I was doing the Mom thing. When she came home, she met someone and ended up pregnant. I visited her in the hospital, and held her beautiful son. I spent a lot of time with her when he was first born. I would go over and help out with him when my son was at his fathers house.
          I realized that sometimes people come and go, but the real ones always come back. She now has a daughter, a husband, a house, and two dogs. She went to nursing school while raising two babies, and graduated top in her class. We don't see each other much, but I've realized more and more that, friends aren't the people you go out and have drinks with every night, they're not the people that call you only when they have a problem, they're not the people that only want something to do with you when you're single and can go out clubbing all the time. Real friends are the ones you can go days, maybe even weeks, without talking to, and when you finally get a chance to call them between dinner, bath and bedtime, they take the time to talk to you and actually care about what's been going on in your life. Friends don't have to be attached at the hip, they understand that we're older now, we all have our own lives and things to take care of. They get the fact that, just because you haven't talked in a while, whenever one needs the other, they'll always be there. 
          I'm fortunate enough to have a very select few friends that have been there for me through almost everything. I'd rather have a few close friends...than a million acquaintances. These people know my secrets. They know my past, my mistakes, my joys, fears, pains and regrets...and they still love me for me. To me, that's what a real friend is. I think that when you become a parent, it's very important to have a few close friends. They help to keep you sane. They're an outlet when you feel overwhelmed. They're the voice of reason, when you feel irrational. They're a shoulder to cry on, on a bad day. They're a helpful insight when you just need a smile. When I sit back and take a minute to think about my life, what I've been through, and who's still here to be a part of it now...I consider myself very lucky. I have a whole nother family that may not be blood..but they're heart, and to me, that means just as much. :)

That time in your life.....

          Things happen in our lives that make us who we are. Some of those things are bad, some good, some happy...and some sad. I think that when you become a mother, you make the decision to leave all of the drama, fighting, and bs behind. When I was younger, if someone said something to me to insult me, I wouldn't know how to express my anger in any other way, than fighting. I always had to be the toughest, the baddest. When I became a mom, I learned that you can't be like that, you have to choose your battles, and handle them in a way that shows your child that getting angry and lashing out, isn't the way to handle a problem. Perfect example: My son came home from school the other day in a VERY bad mood. After asking him time and time again what he had gotten in trouble in school for, he refused to tell me. We came into the house and he had all of his toys piled on top of one whole corner of the couch. I asked him nicely to move his toys so that people in the house could have a place to sit. Without even a hesitation he yelled "These are the toys that I am taking to my Daddy's house when I go and i am NOT moving them." (Mind you, this happened on a Tuesday...I was not about to let his toys sit there until he left on Friday)
          So I asked him again, "Please move your toys off of the couch. You don't have to put them away, but you have to move  them so people can sit down. You can even put them right there in the corner if you want." As I said this, I saw the anger and frustration building up in his face. "I'm not moving my toys! I'm taking those to my Daddy's!" he screamed. So i took the toys off of the couch and put them on the floor. Without a seconds thought, he picked them all back up and put them right back on the couch. Without saying a word, I put them back on the floor and told him again that they were not allowed on the couch. With complete disregard for what I had said multiple times, he put them back on the couch. So, without thinking, I picked them all up, opened up the cellar door, and threw them down the stairs into his playroom. Standing there looking at me in disbelief and complete fury, he ran down the stairs and brought them all back up one by one. I watched him do this for about five minutes. 
          When he had gotten all of his toys upstairs, he stood there screaming at me. "I hate you! This is why I want to go live with my dad! You're the worst mom I've ever had!" Oh the list goes on! Instead of yelling back at him, I let him get out what he had to say. When he had finished yelling, I calmly told him that he was not allowed to watch TV in the living room, due to the temper tantrum that he had just had, and for the way that he had talked to me. This made him even more mad. So I told him, "I'm not saying that you can't watch tv at all, I'm saying that you need to take some time to yourself and think about what you just said and did. You can go up to your room, turn the tv on, and sit on the bed and think about what you just did, and how you shouldn't talk to me this way." Well, he thought about what I had said for a minute, and I guess he came to the conclusion that, rather than stand there and argue with me, he should probably go up to his room and cool off, because he turned around, walked up the stairs, into his room, and closed the door. 
          To me, this was a victory, seeing as how every day for the last couple months, it was the same thing over and over. He told me every day how much he hated me and how he wished he lived with his dad so that he wouldn't have to listen to me anymore. About a half an hour later, he came down the stairs. I was sitting on the couch and he just stood there and looked at me for about a minute. Finally I asked him what he was doing, and his answer was..."I'm sorry. Can I please watch tv down here with you?" Before I said yes, I had him come sit next to me. I explained that when he gets mad, he needs to think before he says things. I asked him how he would feel if I told him that I hated him, or how he would feel if I told him that I wanted to go live somewhere else?. He thought about it for a minute before saying "I would be sad and hurt." I said, "do you like to see Mommy sad? Do you like to hurt my feelings?" He looked down at his feet and quietly said "No." 
          I said to him, "Please just think about what you say before you say it. Mommy does a lot for you, and when you say mean things, you hurt my feelings." Without saying a word, he hugged me and gave me a kiss and said, "I'm sorry Mom. I love you." I knew then that he had actually listened to me. When you have kids, it's not about who wins an argument. It's about reason. No one wins when both people just sit there and yell. Some people might say that I'm to hard on my son, which is fine, because everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but i disagree. I have never treated my son like a baby. I never baby talked him, I never treated him like he was incapable of doing things for himself, I always talked to him like he was my equal. When he tells me that he hates me, I remind myself that that's okay right now. It sounds horrible,  but I'm not here to be my sons friend right now, I'm here to be Mom. I'm here to make sure he knows right from wrong. I'm here to make sure he knows respect, and love, discipline, stability, and responsibility. Someone has to be the bad guy. When he's older and has kids of his own..then I'll be his friend. For now, I'm the enforcer, the voice of reason, and the person who is making him into who he going to be when he gets older. 
          It's funny how, when we have children, we think that we are going to teach them everything....but in reality, our children teach us more than we could ever imagine. I have learned self control, patience, unconditional love, pride, respect, negotiation, hurt, and a million other things from my son. The things that come out of his mouth sometimes, are things that I can picture an adult saying. It's unbelievable to me, that sometimes, when I don't have the answer, my six year old child is the voice of reason. My son will never stop amazing me, and I could never thank him enough, for making me into the person that I am today. He changed my life...for the better.

The Love of My Life

         Sometimes you have this plan for your life, the way things are going to be, who's going to be a part of it, and how it's going to happen...and sometimes someone comes along that changes every thought you ever had, and turns you into someone you never thought you'd be. As I said in my post last night, I had it in my head, that I was going to be alone for the rest of my life: only me and my son was all I needed. I was convinced that every guy that came along would hurt me, or betray me somewhere down the road, so I never gave anyone a chance. 
          I started working for a company as a receptionist a few years back. I was hired to answer the phones, and handle overflow work for the office manager. One day, the owner of the company came to me and told me that he wanted me to work on something for him: the company had no service program, so he wanted me to create one, from the ground up. Well, this was an amazing opportunity to do something that I had never done before. I was excited! I set out to work, collecting old records for every customer the company had ever had from the beginning.  Once I got the program going, the boss came in and told he was taking one of the production guys off of the crew, and he would be the new service guy for my program. I had never met this guy before, so I didn't know what to expect.
          I met him, and we clicked instantly. We made an amazing working team. We brainstormed ideas, came up with new methods for our program..and our department flourished. Within the next couple months, our program had made the company over $30,000...not bad for a couple of kids who had no idea what they were doing when they started it. As the two youngest people in the company, we had turned nothing, into an entire, successful department. We had customers that only wanted to deal with just us, we had made it. We had a full schedule, booked out 6 months in advance, with customers still calling in to make appointments. 
          As the program grew, so did our friendship. At first, it was because we had no choice: we were the only people in the department, we had to work together to make anything successful...but then, it became choice. When one was having a bad day, the other would make it a point to make the other one happy, whether it was listening to a problem, or making them laugh and feel better. When you work for a company that you spend more than 50 hours of your week at, you tend to grow relationships with the people you work with. We'd talk about life, learning, ideas, our day...anything really. He became not only my coworker, but my best friend. He was there when I needed him, and I was there for him. 
          A year passed and we got closer and closer. Then I left the company...for a lot of different reasons. The place just didn't work in my life anymore. I gave it all up and walked away. I was going through a rough patch in my life, and felt like I had no one. I had erased everyone from the company out of my life, off of my facebook....just like that. One day, my phone went off...It was my coworker. All the message said was, "Are you okay?" I knew then, that he was a genuine person. I had abandoned my job, and him. I left the department and he had to pick it all up by himself, and for him to still care about me and if I was okay, meant something. We spent days talking. Finally, I asked him if he wanted to meet up with me for dinner..we met up. After we finished eating, we spent hours just talking in the parking lot.
          The next couple of weeks we hung out a lot. We went fishing, out to dinner, or just spent time watching tv at my house. The more we hung out, the more I realized that he might be someone different....not the same as every other guy...Then he met my son...and they clicked instantly. He made my whole family happy. It was like he was an instant addition. He spent endless days convincing me that he was different, and not all guys are the same, and he wasn't going to hurt me. Slowly, I started to realize, maybe he was genuine. He was over one night, and I suggested that he spend the night, so he didn't have to drive an hour ride back home. He stayed. And to my surprise, he fell asleep next to me and didn't try a single thing. He was respectful and caring. He would get up and go to work early in the morning, and come back home to me, no matter what time. It took weeks for him to even kiss me. He was dead set on proving that he was a good guy. And he did.
          He's been with me every night since. My family absolutely adores him. My son loves him with all his heart, and he makes me the happiest girl in the whole world. He goes out of his way every day to show me how much he loves me. Don't get me wrong, we have our ups and downs, we have good days and bad days, but we make it through. We keep the simple mentality, that we are a team, no matter what. We work together and fix any problems that we have. He makes me smile on bad days, wipes my tears on sad days, makes me laugh on angry days, and hugs me on lonely days. He treats my son like he's his own, and loves everyone in my family. He changed every view I ever had on men and how they treat women....and it all started as a little assignment at work...who woulda thought it?? ;)

“Love comes to those who still hope even though they've been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they've been betrayed, to those who still love even though they've been hurt before."- Anonymous

Can't Sleep....

It's almost 2 a.m. and all I can do is sit on the computer listening to sad sappy songs (Chris Daughty always seems to work for me)....maybe it's the time of year, maybe it's that I'm overtired, or maybe it's that I miss my son and can't wait for him to come home tomorrow....either way, I don't like it. The only fortunate glimmer of hope I have, is the fact that I'm probably not the only mother doing this right now. I often wonder when it is that you decide that how you feel is no longer just a slump...and it becomes an actual problem. People blame the weather, or the holidays, or their time of the month, or anything that will make them feel somewhat sane and like they're not losing it. I think that as mothers, a lot of factors add up to make us sometimes feel the way that we do. 
          I got pregnant when I was 17, and gave birth to my amazing baby boy the year that i was supposed to graduate high school. I didn't plan on having a baby young...I planned on graduating school, going onto college, getting a good job, a house, a husband, and then babies...but life works in mysterious ways, and things seldom work out the way we plan when we're little girls writing down our destinies in our diaries. So needless to say, I lost a lot of friends when I had a baby. Everyone graduated school and went on with their lives, college, parties, boyfriends, clubs...all things that normal 18 year old girls should be doing. All i had was my son, and his father. We packed up our bags and moved out to another state, where i knew nobody. I worked two jobs, and took care of my son. Me and his father couldn't get along for the life of us. Everyday there was something new to argue about, it never got better. One day my whole world came to a halt, I found out that he had been cheating on me with one of our good friends...for 6 months. That day, my whole life, my fairytale that I had written in my diary as a child...shattered. Needless to say, I wasn't going to stay in something that wasn't real, so i packed his stuff for him, and he left. 
          So now I was still stuck living in this state that he had me move to, working all the time, and taking care of my son. It lasted for a little while, and then my breakdown began. I had no friends, my family never came out to see me (it was to far and i had burned a lot of bridges when i had moved in and had a baby with him in the first place), and raising a newborn on your own isn't easy. It took a few months, but eventually i came to the realization that I needed to go back home, I needed the support and love of my family. After I got back home and got settled in, I called my doctor and explained to her how I had been feeling lately. In complete hysterics, I told her that i didn't want my son anymore, and I couldn't do it. I told her i wanted to bring him back, and that he was to good of a baby to be stuck with a mother like me. Her response? "You're a young mom, this happens a lot. It will get better." After that, I went online to try to figure out what was wrong with me..what did i find? "Postpartum." 
          So now that I knew this was normal, and that I wasn't the only one, I set out to fix myself. I bought endless books about why I felt this way, and how i could make it better and be the mom that my son deserved to have. I realized that I didn't need to be with someone to be happy. I realized that the decisions that my sons father had made, was because of the person that HE was..not who I was. I realized that what happened, the fights, the lies, the cheating, and everything else, wasn't my fault. The only thing that I was at fault for...was staying as long as I did. So I got a new job full time, enrolled my son in daycare, and started my life over. I dedicated my life to giving my son any and everything that he needed. I worked all the overtime hours i could get. I missed his first word, the first time he crawled...his first steps. Some stranger that i paid to watch my son while I worked all the time, got to see all of the amazing milestones that all mothers anticipate. Still, I kept working and providing for my son the way a mother should. 
          After his father had left, he wanted nothing to do with myself or my son. A year went by before he saw him. I told him that if he wanted to be there, he had to help, he couldn't be a dad just when it was convenient for him. He agreed to take my son every Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday night, that way he still had his weekends to party and live it up. This lasted for about a year and a half, and then my son started school. When he started school, his father went back to not wanting to take him anymore. His mother finally convinced him that he should see his son at least on weekends because if i ever got up the courage to take him to court, he'd lose. He agreed. So as of today, as it stands, my son goes to his father's Friday afternoon, until Sunday afternoon. I hate sending him. I hate sharing him. 
          After all of this, there is one thing that i have learned...being in a bad relationship, and having a child to "fix" it, will never work. The only person that you end up hurting...is your child. An angry, hostile environment is no place to raise a baby. It effects how they act, how they feel, and who they become. It ruined who I was. For the longest time, I was bitter. I swore that it would never be anyone but me and my son for the rest of my life. I swore that I would never give anyone the chance to hurt me like he had. I spent 6 years avoiding relationships, and purposely destroying anything that had the potential to be good, just so I didn't risk being hurt. I had no trust in anyone...at all. I assumed that everyone would eventually hurt me, and i refused to put myself, or my son, through that again. So i worked. And my son went to school. And it was just me and him...and then someone came along that changed everything that I had ever felt, thought, or believed. He made me realize that everything i had thought all along, was wrong. I'll have to save him for the next blog though...he's to amazing to be able to sum up shortly...so for now, I'll say goodnight, and finish my story tomorrow. Goodnight

Trying, trying...trying...

Hey Ladies,
   So now that my son is 6, and I've found someone that I want to spend the rest of my life with...we've been trying to have a baby. Now, after I had my son and things didn't work out with his dad, I had made the sound decision that i never wanted any more kids, no matter what...But i guess things happen in your life and sometimes someone comes along and changes every thought you ever had about anything you thought you knew. I never wanted to get married, or have more kids...and now both of those things are top on my priority list...the only problem?? It seems like when you're not trying, you end up pregnant...and when you try, it's disappointment after disappointment from negative pregnancy tests. I'm so impatient and want to have good news now, that I'm letting it get to me. They say when you stop trying and just be with someone because you love them and don't have any expectations...that's when it happens. 
     I think sometimes I get down on myself because i think that it's my fault that we can't get pregnant. I blame myself for maybe being unhealthy, or for smoking sometimes, or for not getting exercise....for anything. I know that it's not my fault, but sometimes i can't help but think it is. We've only been trying for two months, so there's still plenty of time. I guess I'm just one of those people that, when i have my mind set on something, I want it, like now. Is there anyone else out there that's trying to have a baby and it's just not the right timing?? I sure hope i'm not the only one....
       

TGIF!!

Hey Ladies!
       Friday is finally here!! Time to start planning a fun weekend with the kiddies. Some mom's are fortunate enough to have their kids on weekends, me? My son goes to his dad's Friday afternoon until Sunday afternoon. :( So what do Mom's do with their children on weekends to keep them calm and happy? I used to take my son to little places around town, inexpensive, educational, but still fun. Here is a list of a few fun places to take your kids where they'll have a great time, and appreciate getting out of the house:
1. The Indoor - Outdoor Museum of Science and Nature
     222 Harrington Way, Worcester, Ma. 01604
     508-929-2700
    -This is a fun and educational place where your child can learn new things and have a hands on experience of what is in their everyday life and how it came to be. The museum is easy to find and a lot cheaper than the Boston Aquarium, but still teaches your child interesting and fun lessons. 
2. The Butterfly Place
    120 Tyngsboro Road  Westford, MA 01886
    978-392-0955
    -This is a very fun, beautiful, exciting place to take your child, of any age, to. It's inexpensive, and the building includes a full cafeteria and ice cream section where you can take a break from the butterfly room and enjoy a family meal. The hands-on experience is one of a kind. A huge enclosed area, where butterflies fly freely and land where they want. The scenery of wildlife, plants, frogs, small birds, and beautiful butterflies will bring a smile to your child's face.This is probably one of my top recommendations for family fun.
3. Old Sturbridge Village
    1 Old Sturbridge Village Road, Sturbridge, Ma. 
    508-347-3362
    -If you don't mind braving the cold for a family fun day, this place is perfect! It's a blast back to the olden days, when butter was churned manually, milk was taken from cows early every morning, and canoes were carved by hand for transportation. This place is full of exciting things to see and learn, and the staff is friendly and inviting. They include your children in their activities and educate them with fun lessons. 
      These are just a few suggestions of things to do with the kids over a weekend. I hope all you guys have a good weekend and enjoy time with your kids! :)


     

Ohhh the joys of parenting....

So my son has been doing nothing but getting in trouble at school ever since he started this year. Now, I'm hoping it's just a phase, but I'm pretty sure once he hit terrible two's...it's been all downhill since then! I've tried behavior charts, red faces for bad days, green faces for good days, I've taken things away, rewarded him when he did something good..I've even stooped so low as to bribe him to be good in school! The problem isn't that he's not smart, he's actually a very bright kid...I think the problem is that he feels the need to defy anything authoritative. He hasn't had it easy, but it's like there is no common ground where we can meet and just agree on things. Every morning it's a fight to get him ready for school, whether it's, "Mom i don't feel good," "Mom i HATE school," "Mom i have nothing to wear...." the list goes on. Like really?!? You're six years old...what does what you wear have to do with going to school?? That stuff didn't even matter until i was at least in middle school! My son is undeniably...a diva. He has like 5 girlfriends in school, which is one of the only reasons i think he actually gets his butt outta bed in the morning to go! I have no idea what is happening to kids these days and where the rules and priorities went...but some days I've just had enough! Don't get me wrong, I love my son with all my heart and everything i have...but some days are just easier than others. A word of advice to all you girls out there: Wait to have babies. Wait until you're out of school, married, with a secure job, and a house. Children need this stability and consistency. There is no point in having a baby when you're young and "so in love,"...trust me...i would know....It's not fair to bring a child into something that is doomed right from the start. A child deserves a loving, caring, and well communicating family. I wouldn't trade my son for the entire world....but if i could go back i would have waited until i could give him so much more. Don't forget that when you have babies, they don't just go away, they are with you for life....they depend on you, need you, look up to you, learn from you, and end up who they are because of you. 

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."  ~Tenneva Jordan