While trying to prepare myself for my upcoming c-section, I decided that it would be a good idea for me to Google the risks and benefits of a c-section vs. natural birth....bad idea. Holy crap I can honestly say that I don't think I have ever freaked myself out more in my life! Some things are just better left to chance and to just waiting and seeing what happens. Here's the one article that REALLY got to me:
I am so unsettled...I want nothing more than to have the option to at least try to have my baby naturally. I am terrified of surgeries. I hate hospitals. Everyone keeps telling me that it'll be okay and it's no big deal and I've done it before so it'll be okay this time...well sorry to break it to you...but you wouldn't know...you've never been through it. I did...and it sucked..and i'm sure it'll suck this time too. At least last time I wasn't prepared for it, I didn't expect it, and it was over before I knew it. A c-section has so many dangers, and negative results for mom and baby..that's not reassuring to me. I had postpartum with my first son, and he's been struggling with asthma since he was born, and I swore I would never have more kids after him....all of these things are in this article about the negative results of a c-section...what if all of that happens again with this baby??
The closer the time gets to having Collin, the more and more crazy I'm driving myself. Oh my God I'm a basket case. I don't want to be away from my home or my family to stay in the hospital....I don't want to be limited to what i can do with my family around the holidays because I am recovering and miserable. I want to be able to come home and enjoy my family. I can honestly say that I have never been more scared to do anything in my life. I just want to have a healthy, happy baby, make a full recovery, and be okay. I understand that I am doing this because it is what will best benefit my son...but I think it's safe, and fair, to say that I am scared absolutely shitless. But hey, I guess that's life. Oyyyy.
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