So now that it's down to the wire until baby time, I feel that there are a few things that I have to get off of my chest before I am to busy to even have a pee break. I'm sorry in advance that this is not going to be the nicest post that I have written, and I'm sorry that it is going to offend some people, but hey, it's America, my speech is free...that's life. Here goes:
To all of the people who claim to be my "Friends," thank you for not stopping by, texting, or calling once in my last eight months of pregnancy to even say hello. Thank you for making it a point to be sure that I was there to see your children in the hospital, and hold them the first day they were born, but you can't even answer a text message. Thank you for being there for me to talk to when i feel overwhelmed about all of this, since I would drag my son to your house for hours while I walked around with your baby, calming them down because YOU needed a break. Thank you for taking time out of your lazy, weekends off, to pick up the phone and say hello...NOT (because that never happened)! Thank you for calling me when you need something, but not returning a call for weeks because you're oh so busy. Thank you for texting me and telling me that you're a bad friend because you don't even know the sex of my baby..and he'll be here in a month....at least it's a little reassuring that you know you're a sucky friend..,only a little tho...cuz I know you won't do anything about it...just saying. And finally, thank you for telling me that you got my baby shower invitation, but also making sure that you make it a point to tell me, that you have Halloween parties and this and that on that day, but you'll most likely be there..but if you do come...it won't be for long....you know what?...don't bother....go buy your whorish halloween costume, get totally annihilated, have sex with a complete stranger, find out your pregnant...and then see how it feels when I CAN'T MAKE IT TO ANYTHING OF YOURS! Ooops...sorry...I caught a bad case of shitty friend....must be something in the air!
And to my family....
I understand that the family is divided, and that no one can mend fences and talk like adults amongst themselves...but guess what...? ....you are going to have to put your grown-ups pants on and suck it up for one afternoon...because guess what..? I'm having a baby! NOT YOU!! I am, for once in my life, celebrating something that means a lot to me! I want me WHOLE family there...I am not going to go through having four baby showers a month before I give birth, because this one and that one doesn't wanna see the other one. I don't care! You don't like someone? Suck it up! You feel awkward? Bring a friend..the buddy system works wonders. You can put all of your family bullshit aside for one day and support me and my family. I go to holidays at your houses every year...and i hate to break it to you...but half of you annoy the shit out of me, and i'd rather stay home in my jammies with My kids and my husband all day..but we're family...so every holiday...off we go to make the visiting rounds. Nonetheless, I am throwing my OWN baby shower, because when we found out we were pregnant, everyone wanted to claim dibbs on throwing the baby shower, and then, when push came to shove and it was time to make it or break it...this one had house construction to do, and this one didn't want to see half the family so they wanted to plan their own thing hours away, and this one didn't want everyone having their phone number on the invitation......H.O.L.Y. SHIT! You know what?? For-get. It. We need favors from NO ONE!
So the bottom line is, the baby shower invitations are made, sent out, and there is a way to let us know whether or not you are coming....If you cannot make it to my shower because you are working, have a prior family engagement, or are sick with some sort of freak flu, then fine, shit happens and I understand. However, if you cannot make it to our shower because you have a Halloween party at some club or bar that you need to spend hours getting trampy for, or you have some issue with someone in the family and you don't want to see them, or you have any other miniscule, unimportant excuse....then DO NOT bother showing up for the birth of my son, texting or calling my phone with an..'I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you...' It's not about the presents, it's not about the money, it's not about any of that. It's a about seeing my family together, having fun, supporting us, and celebrating what is going to be a new life. I wouldn't care if you drew me a card on a white piece of paper and folded it...I just want my family to be there. I'm sorry if this offends some of you, and I'm sorry if you think it's rude...but you should all be well aware of the fact that in my 25 years, I have never been one to sugar coat things, so one last time...if you are going to give me some lame ass excuse as to why you cannot come and support the celebration of a baby...then do not come to the hospital. Do not call. Do not text. Do not stop by. And do NOT consider yourself my friend...and if we're related...consider that the ONLY reason that you ever need anything to do with me. Thanks :)
To all of the people who claim to be my "Friends," thank you for not stopping by, texting, or calling once in my last eight months of pregnancy to even say hello. Thank you for making it a point to be sure that I was there to see your children in the hospital, and hold them the first day they were born, but you can't even answer a text message. Thank you for being there for me to talk to when i feel overwhelmed about all of this, since I would drag my son to your house for hours while I walked around with your baby, calming them down because YOU needed a break. Thank you for taking time out of your lazy, weekends off, to pick up the phone and say hello...NOT (because that never happened)! Thank you for calling me when you need something, but not returning a call for weeks because you're oh so busy. Thank you for texting me and telling me that you're a bad friend because you don't even know the sex of my baby..and he'll be here in a month....at least it's a little reassuring that you know you're a sucky friend..,only a little tho...cuz I know you won't do anything about it...just saying. And finally, thank you for telling me that you got my baby shower invitation, but also making sure that you make it a point to tell me, that you have Halloween parties and this and that on that day, but you'll most likely be there..but if you do come...it won't be for long....you know what?...don't bother....go buy your whorish halloween costume, get totally annihilated, have sex with a complete stranger, find out your pregnant...and then see how it feels when I CAN'T MAKE IT TO ANYTHING OF YOURS! Ooops...sorry...I caught a bad case of shitty friend....must be something in the air!
And to my family....
I understand that the family is divided, and that no one can mend fences and talk like adults amongst themselves...but guess what...? ....you are going to have to put your grown-ups pants on and suck it up for one afternoon...because guess what..? I'm having a baby! NOT YOU!! I am, for once in my life, celebrating something that means a lot to me! I want me WHOLE family there...I am not going to go through having four baby showers a month before I give birth, because this one and that one doesn't wanna see the other one. I don't care! You don't like someone? Suck it up! You feel awkward? Bring a friend..the buddy system works wonders. You can put all of your family bullshit aside for one day and support me and my family. I go to holidays at your houses every year...and i hate to break it to you...but half of you annoy the shit out of me, and i'd rather stay home in my jammies with My kids and my husband all day..but we're family...so every holiday...off we go to make the visiting rounds. Nonetheless, I am throwing my OWN baby shower, because when we found out we were pregnant, everyone wanted to claim dibbs on throwing the baby shower, and then, when push came to shove and it was time to make it or break it...this one had house construction to do, and this one didn't want to see half the family so they wanted to plan their own thing hours away, and this one didn't want everyone having their phone number on the invitation......H.O.L.Y. SHIT! You know what?? For-get. It. We need favors from NO ONE!
So the bottom line is, the baby shower invitations are made, sent out, and there is a way to let us know whether or not you are coming....If you cannot make it to my shower because you are working, have a prior family engagement, or are sick with some sort of freak flu, then fine, shit happens and I understand. However, if you cannot make it to our shower because you have a Halloween party at some club or bar that you need to spend hours getting trampy for, or you have some issue with someone in the family and you don't want to see them, or you have any other miniscule, unimportant excuse....then DO NOT bother showing up for the birth of my son, texting or calling my phone with an..'I'm so sorry, I'll make it up to you...' It's not about the presents, it's not about the money, it's not about any of that. It's a about seeing my family together, having fun, supporting us, and celebrating what is going to be a new life. I wouldn't care if you drew me a card on a white piece of paper and folded it...I just want my family to be there. I'm sorry if this offends some of you, and I'm sorry if you think it's rude...but you should all be well aware of the fact that in my 25 years, I have never been one to sugar coat things, so one last time...if you are going to give me some lame ass excuse as to why you cannot come and support the celebration of a baby...then do not come to the hospital. Do not call. Do not text. Do not stop by. And do NOT consider yourself my friend...and if we're related...consider that the ONLY reason that you ever need anything to do with me. Thanks :)
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